My wife and I were discussing LL3 and the value we place on money. After completing the exercise she pointed out that the primary value I give the things we spend money on deals with me being a provider and security for our family.

Her suggestion was that if I focus more on LOVE versus being the provider, I might feel differently about spending our money.

She had some interesting comparisons for me. She said she sees money as paper and I see money as oxygen.

She also compared our bills/money to a big sack of rocks I am carrying on my shoulders. I give some out here and I give some out there so we can meet our obligations because I have to do this, because I want to be responsible, because, because, because...

She's suggested that I change my thinking to giving out this money because I love my family and want a better life for all of us.

She may be on to something and I want to give this some more thought.

quote:

She's suggested that I change my thinking to giving out this money because I love my family and want a better life for all of us.

Well, you might as well change that way of thinking because you ARE using that money to express love for your family. It's the truth!

And doesn't it just feel SO much better to realize that instead of feeling like you're carrying that big bag of rocks?

Yes, I don't like carrying the rock.

However, it seems as though something is holding me back--I've been trying to maintain a feeling of abundance/gratitude for some time. (Been working on transformational thinking for over 2 years.) But when life happens, especially money issues, I go immediately to fear.

I work through the circumstances then get back to gratitude. But my first thought go right to fear. I hold on to it for a while, then eventually let it go as best I can.

It's frustrating because I believe I should be further than I am.

Is it possible to eliminate the fear? It sounds like some of you have found the key.

I'm looking for some suggestion on how to let this go once and for all -- if that's possible.

Thanks for your help!

Brian

Hi Brian,

Trust the process! You will grown in confidence as you go through the lifelabs.

My quick fix for fear. Accept the situation whatever it is. I have been in a situation with 0.00 cash and an empty stomach and being absolutely terrified. I said to myself, ok this is how it is and I don't know how to change it but I trust God can find a way.

By accepting it and not fighting it, I had instant peace. With instant peace, I could think more clearly and today, my main activity is to find more tax friendly investments

God bless you,

Caroline
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Hello Brian,

Perhaps your wife has the key to the fear issue as well. Is it possible that you are afraid of financial problems because on some level you think that you must earn your family's love and respect? This is a common feeling in bread winners. Some people (especially men) identify with their roll as providers so much that they act as though that is the only valuable thing about them.

If you have this belief, bring it to the surface and examine it a bit. Would your wife still love you if you were unable to pay the bills? Would you still be worthy of love? What is the worst thing that you think would happen if you suddenly lost your income? Do you think it would destroy your family? Or could it possibly bring you closer together? Or perhaps someone else in your family would enjoy contributing to the family finances more than they have up to now.

I may be way off base here, and if so, please just ignore me. But if I'm close, let me know what you think.

Love and Blessings,
Rachel

Thanks all for the responses. I think my fear is more a selfish fear that I'm not going to get mine.

My first wife and I had saved over 300K and I also had 20 years of contributions in a retirement plan.

I lost the savings and 20 year retirement plan and am starting over.

Having said that, I am so grateful to have the life I have today. Sometimes the fear takes over and I grab it and hold on to it.

I don't want to live my life that way. I want to live each day as though it was my last day on earth and to enjoy each and every moment.

I know that's possible! I just get frustrated and think I should be further along than I am. I get caught up in the circumstances. I just don't want to be my circumstances -- I want to inspire!

Thanks again for the responses!

Brian

Selfishness always comes from fear. You knew that. (BTW, I hope you never feel guilty for feeling selfish. Like fear and pain, selfishness is an indicator that something isn't right and should be examined. It is a symptom, not a cause.)

You probably also know that fear comes from a sense of limitation or lack.

What you may not be aware of is that the best antidote to fear is... wait for it... gratitude. It's not our first response which is why we often overlook it's power. But I have come to realize that gratitude will overcome fear of lack pretty effectively, pretty much every time.

If you're not sure how to do this, just breath and start with all the things you have that others don't have like running water, access to food, shelter, relative safety, etc. Then move on to bigger things, like a wonderful wife, access to Wally's wisdom....you can do the rest.

It also occurs to me that the money you lost (the savings and retirement plan.) could still be haunting you. How much do you think about it? Have you taken steps to really be at peace with what happened? Do you really believe that all worked out for the best, or do you still harbor resentment about having to "start over?"

Perhaps, as Caroline says, you need to accept where you are first to find your peace. Then you can move forward in gratitude, love, and abundance.

Love and Blessings,
Rachel