Hello all,

Today I learned how maintaining a grateful attitude can help you through heartache...I'd been dating this guy for a couple of months (the first guy I've been serious about in years) and we'd become really close, so imagine my shock when he rings me today and says hes still in love with his ex and their getting back together! With all the composure I could muster I wished him well, thanked him for our time together and hung up. I had a good cry and the old patterns started surfacing and I'm wondering why this happened. Suddenly I find myself thinking 'whats good about this?' and then I find myself being grateful that this happened. Anyone got any thoughts on this?

Love to all, Shortcake

Shortcake, no one else knows "why" it happened, other than that it was attracted/created by you and your thinking.

We can only attract other people who are on the same "wavelength" and experiences that are a match to us in that way, too. So that's the "why."

Yeah, it's no fun to have that happen, but it's cool how you're looking for the good. Better to have it happen now after just a couple months than when you're REALLY deep into it, right?

And I'll bet you will see -- in a little bit probably once the initial shock and "ouch" wear off -- that you know more clearly than ever now what you really do want in a relationship. So as you focus more on THAT, others who are a match to that will be drawn to you and you to them.

Hi,

I guess the good about this is - as you stated already - you "learned how maintaining a grateful attitude can help you through heartache".

I seems to me that if you're able to keep this grateful attitude, it will help you through *any* situation and nothing will get to you.

--------
Watch your thoughts

My main thought is how beautiful that you can go (almost) directly to that place of gratitude! Of course these things hurt and yet if you can focus on the wonderful things in a relationship, it was time well spent.

I know I have held on to the 'bad stuff' of relationships for many years - to the point of forgetting how wonderful it is to be in love - and only now can I see how grateful I can be for the experiences...good and bad!

Good for you - keep focusing on the good stuff, and an EVEN BETTER relationship will come to you.

Love

Donna.x

Thank you Rebecca, Thoughtpower and Donna for your support and advice, its nice to know I am not alone.

I'm feeling much better about the situation now. Up til now the whole area of romantic relationships has bought up alot of hurt and I have often felt betrayed.

Yesterday I created lists of exactly what I desire for every area of my life. This included the qualities I desire in my future husband! I even began to feel what it will be like to be loved and cherished...it felt good!

Love to all, Shortcake

quote:

I even began to feel what it will be like to be loved and cherished...it felt good!

Now THAT'S something to focus on!

Love

Donna.x

Hi Shortcake. I read your post and I wanted to say that I know how it feels. I'm going thru a similar type of thing right now.

I met this man and we both feel that we could be "The One". The connection is more than what normal people feel. It is very deep and spiritual.

Well on Friday we got in a heated debate because he told me that he is still friends with his ex-girlfriends and girls he had history with. I had to be direct and honest with him. I told him that bothered me and I could never understand why someone would still keep their exs in their life. I mean they're an ex for a reason.

Then he accused me of being jealous. I told him..."How can you expect me to make you #1 in my life, when I'm not even #1 in yours? I refuse to be 2nd place!"

All he kept saying was "They're my friends". I told him that he chose his friends first...and he never even gave me a chance. I said..."How can you build a future with someone when you're still stuck to the past?" He hasn't spoken to me since.

So, I guess now I know who is first in his life. And I also know that since he treated me that way...I know he will treat the next girl the same.

I had my cry too but it wasn't that long. My heart did ache...and I had moments when I hated myself because I FOUND ANOTHER LOSER!

So, can you share with me how you got thru it. It's very hard to be grateful for something that hurst. Thanks so much. -Ragien

quote:

Originally posted by Shortcake:
Hello all,

Today I learned how maintaining a grateful attitude can help you through heartache...I'd been dating this guy for a couple of months (the first guy I've been serious about in years) and we'd become really close, so imagine my shock when he rings me today and says hes still in love with his ex and their getting back together! With all the composure I could muster I wished him well, thanked him for our time together and hung up. I had a good cry and the old patterns started surfacing and I'm wondering why this happened. Suddenly I find myself thinking 'whats good about this?' and then I find myself being grateful that this happened. Anyone got any thoughts on this?

Love to all, Shortcake

I think a positive aspect is how its helping you to see what you want in a partner. Your definantly growing and learning as you stopped and asked yourself what was good about this. You'll meet someone even better soon and than you'll definantly see the good in this!

shannon

I don't mean to spoil the party here. I too am involved in a relationship but I also am very good friends with my ex boyfriend. I grew up with him, he was my first love and our respect for one another has never died.
Seriously one can have very rewarding friendships with an ex. My partner is not jealous of him as he knows that our friendship is part of my growth. And I must stress that when I'm on location where my ex is located we always have a nice dinner together. He is vegan like me. My partner on the other hand is not but appreciates my decision to be one.
Should my partner stop me from seeing this wonderful ex or any of my male friend which are quite a few I really would find that as a reason to discontinue my relationship with him.
It is through this forum that I learnt to appreciate my partner, there was a time when I considered him thoughtless as he didn't want to do things my way. You can't change anyone, you can only change your self. And besides when I met my partner I never knew about SOGR. So what ever teachings I learn along my journey he can join in or not. But from the first time he met me he knew I had male friends and also was still friends with my first lover.
He is a big enough person to not feel threatned by my friends who he knows understand and believe the same things I do.

Donna and Shannon thanks so much for the support, I can FEEL I'm on the right track now!

Richcroc sounds like you have a wonderful partner and its great that you can be friends with your ex.

Ragien, I can understand how you're feeling hurt by thinking that you're not No.1 in your man's eyes...If you do not feel comfortable with the fact that he is still in contact with his exes, then let that discomfort be your guide.

I would suggest that you get very clear about what you want from your future partner, imagine what it will feel like when you're with him, when he holds you tight and you KNOW you're No.1 in his life...When I think like this its easy to be grateful that this guy let me go because as wonderful as he was, I know he didn't share the same values as me. I'm grateful for my experience with him because now I know exactly what I want and how it will feel to be loved.

Hope this helps,

Love to all, Shortcake

Hello Shortcake & Richcroc.

Richcroc - Your situation seems like what I'm going thru, except reverse. It does seem that you mate has already "accepted" the ground rules you have set.

You have your male friends and ex-boyfriends that were there first...and you have made them a priority in your life. So whichever mate wants to be with you, they will have to accept or go. On the surface, it looks like having your cake and eating it too.

My situation is not about jealousy...but more about building a life with someone and growing old with them. When I am at my deathbed I will want my "husband" at my side...not an ex-boyfriend.

In terms of this man in my life, I've come to the realization that I CANNOT sacrifice my integrity or self-respect. I guess that can be applied to both sides...whether you are the new person in someone's life...or the one with the ex's.

In reading the posts, it does seem like Reality is what you make of it. And whatever relationship you decide to have is what works for you. At least now I am free to start again.

Shortcake - Thank you for the cheer up. I actually woke up this morning with a feeling of "beginning". It's hard to explain but it's a good feeling. So the fact that I didn't cry over this guy too long is a good sign. Thanks.

Hi Ragien,

I don't want to make this an issue because we are here to learn about getting rich and the principles of wally's book. But to me riches are good relationships with myself, people, animals, nature and god.
This is not about who I want with me on my deathbed. What makes you think about dying when there is so much to live for?
But now that I think about it I don't have a problem with having everyone I ever knew at my death bed. And is it death? I think it's going home! So yea why not have a party and celebrate the time I had here?
Obviously I have an intimate relationship with my partner and he is the one I share my aspiritations and my life with. I wouldn't dream of planning anything on an intimate level with my ex as we don't have that in common anymore. And I must add I don't have many ex's only that one, who I've known since I was a kid. I guess we both learned a lot from one another.
The father of my children is dead, but even when he was alive I was still friends with my ex boyfriend. And this present partner is the man I share my life with.
I like to believe that we have a mature relationship where neither of us is dependant on the other. Although we share everything and he looks after my kids because I am often away. What a fab man! He's the one I'm in love with, the others are really just my friends who I dare say also do their bit to enrich my life. And I've noticed as I grow and change so do my friends and funnily enough so do those of my partner.
My friends know I have a partner and they come to visit me here and my ex has even slept in our house in the guest room!
By the way my partner also has some lady friends that really just are his friends, heavens just because we have different sexes does mean we cannot communicate with one another. Falling in love with some one goes far beyond a friendship that's why a friendship with members of the opposite sex does not threaten me or my partner in any way.
We are not married in the biblical sense but are considered as such - our lives are tied up with insurance policies etc. For example should I be killed he gets the kids and not the friends or ex! He also gets to share my life insurance policy with the kids and the friends or ex does not.

So all I'm saying don't deprive yourself of a wonderful man just because he may have some friendships which help him to grow as well. He didn't say he was in love with another woman or with his ex.

Relationships seem to be something I had a grip on a long time ago as I have been grateful for all the experiences my past relationships gave me. My husband and I have both had heartache over the years with unfaithful partners and my ex stealing money from me but if these things had never happened, I may not have met my husband and been so happy now. I never thought about what I might of attracted at the time and the law of attraction wasn't something I was aware of but just before I met my husband I had a very strong CMI about what I wanted (without realising it) and it happened.

Maybe this is one of those 'seeming failures' that is just making way for something bigger and better to come your way!

Hi Everybody,
Relationships have never been my best move either but since joining SOGR I've realised that my choice of men has been just that; ie my choice. So anything that has gone wrong in the relationships has been my choice too.

I now understand why I made these "wrong" choices, and in future I will listen to my subconcious when it says such things as "this is not the man for you, you don't live that way"

Previously I ignored those words in my head and continued with the long term relationship for on average 10 years. Until I couldn't take it anymore.

In the future I will only take a man my subconcious or the ultimate substance approves of too.

Hope this is of some help

Love and success to all

Gwen

quote:

Relationships have never been my best move either but since joining SOGR I've realised that my choice of men has been just that; ie my choice. So anything that has gone wrong in the relationships has been my choice too.

And we can only attract whatever we, ourselves, are a match for, too. THAT really gives us all something to think about!

Hello all,

I want to thank you for all your sharing in this discussion, it is interesting how the same topic appears in two different discussion boards that I visit.

Six years ago I divorced my husband and I have not fallen in love since. I think for the most part because I pushed it away. Not sure if I even want a partner again.

One thing I noticed. I have been consistently raising the bar. As my self image improves. I doubt if I met my ex today that we would fall in love again.

Today it is my choice to live alone and be happy.

Caroline