This is the question I have been asking myself in order to get to the roots of my constant financial struggles.

I really resonated with what Silver said about "fear of success" and it is only in recent months that I have begun to look at how lack—to the point of being continually broke and at times nearly physically starving—has served me over the years, especially over the past decade.

For me—having grown up in a "home" that included a degree of physical and emotional abuse that made "Mommy Dearest" look like an episode of The Waltons—it has recently become clear to me that lack of money has kept me "safe" from toxic and dangerous people—particularly the ones who abused me in childhood.

In my "home" I was taught that there was no excuse—short of total inability to comply due to illness or lack of means—for failing to do what parents or other "loved ones" wanted me to do. So guess what? I learned how to stay broke and thus to have some freedom and refuge from "having to" cater to (and subject myself to the company of) some highly toxic people. ["Can't afford it" and "have to work" are great reasons to give for never travelling to visit those toxic relatives.]

Now, when I looked at this, it became clear to me that poverty has been my way of saying "no" to all the things—especially undesirable human contacts—that I have been deeply conditioned to be incapable of refusing in a more healthy and "empowered" way—up to now.

The task before me now is to find and practice healthy ways of saying "no" and speaking up for what I do want, instead of letting my circumstances do the talking for me. I need to be able to say "no" to all undesirable situations from the tiniest to the largest, and to consistently choose to have and to do what I prefer—without reference to any lack or disability on my part as an "excuse."

Even if the specifics of these insights seem extreme or "foreign" or even "weird" to most of you, I do hope and trust that if you, too, ask yourself, "How has lack and struggle served me up to now?" you will get some revealing, surprising and potentially liberating insights.

Best wishes to all my companions on this adventure!

"Yes! ready money is Aladdin's lamp." ~ Lord Byron

I am still trying to figure that out. There must have been something, or I wouldn't have been in that situation for so long (I'm still there).

I do know that I have an illness that makes it possible for me to have an excuse for not performing at my best and therefore not making enough money. I know that I did that to myself when times were looking so bad, I didn't think we could survive. Of course, it didn't make things better, it made them worse, because I really was/am ill.

Funny thing is, since I started this course, I have been feeling worse and worse. Could that be the fear of success or lack of belief?

I am working very hard on fear and belief. I am going to be successful in eliminating that fear of success! and successfully see myself getting rich!

Thanks very much for your thoughts.

Gerrie

"There is nothing better than a business that lets you discover your life's purpose and gives you the means to pursue it."
(a quotation that has become my "mantra". I do not know where/who it came from.)

Other things to say in the mirror:

I love you.

You are special.

Plus, say the opposite of your fears. For example, if you are "fearful" of being wealthy, then say, "I am a wealthy person" until you get comfortable hearing it.

God Bless,

Denny

HA HA!!
I've never stood in front of a mirror and said the word no in different ways! I only did it for a minute, but it's pretty fun to just act silly sometimes!




Brandon
brandon_c@prepaidlegal.com
www.prepaidlegal.com/go/brandon_c

It was a lesson I learned as well. A very hard one and sometimes painful to not contact people who are toxic to you. I've had to leave many so called friendships. After a few years it is no crystal clear how beneficial this was. I wish you well.

Thomas
www.myseasilver.com/tom

Hi ... I took me so long to learn to say no and now I can. Someone taught me a fun game. Stand in front of the mirror and say no as many different ways as you can. Sounds silly? Try it and let me know how it feels. Using as many different intonations, voice volumes, facial expressions as possible -- at least 50 different ways. Now it is a game full of laughter that I've been playing with my grandchildren since they were very little. We all tell each other no in lots of different ways. Then we'll switch to yes, then back to no, etc. My mum just shared with me (I'm 53) that no was a forbidden word for her as a child. She passed it along to me as a child. Oh well, that makes me responsible for changing it if I want to now, doesn't it. Honestly, between you and me, it took me a while after practicing it to really be able to use it when I wanted to with another person or group of people. Hope you have fun with it. I sure did.
Much success to you, dd

It should be obvious, but just to be crystal-clear about all that was said in the previous entry: I am talking about unconscious motivations here, rather than conscious "reasons" for being broke and living a life of struggle and deprivation.

The unconscious mind, vast and powerful and resourceful as it is, does not seem to be terribly brilliant or original in coming up with "solutions" when we state our "problems" in a general way. Thus when we hate our job (for example) and "wish we didn't have to go there anymore" the un- (or sub-) conscious mind tends to come up with quick-and-dirty "solutions" like making us too ill to work, getting us fired, etc.

Hardly ever, IF ever, does the subconscious mind repond to "get me out of here" or "I don't like this" by guiding us to a better situation. Instead, it tends to sabotage the situation we are in, or to disable us from participating, or both. So one lesson for me is to give this powerful part of my mind specific and deliberate instructions about what I do want, rather than focusing on the undesirable conditions that I would like to escape or overcome.

This is a simple and basic principle, but how deeply conditioned most of us are to do exactly the wrong thing in this regard! Isn't it interesting to be learning and applying an approach that flies in the face of our previous conditioning?

Excelsior!

"Yes! ready money is Aladdin's lamp." ~ Lord Byron

Gerrie,

I may be way off base here, but this train of thought has only recently occurred to me. Since starting with reading SOGR and understanding that we draw to us what is on our minds, conscious and subconscious, I've wondered if illness is also a part of that. For example, my husband has a lot of moles. There have been no problems with them so far but he has gotten lately to where he is always concerned about them becoming cancerous. I've tried to tell him to stop thinking like that (always thinking of his worst fear) or he will draw it to himself. Does that make sense? Are you perhaps afraid that you will figure out the money side and make it work but that your illness will get worse and you won't be able to enjoy your wealth? If so, could that thought (even in the back of your mind) be causing you to get worse already? It may be a bigger concern to your subconscious mind than the getting rich. I don't know, it's just some things that I have been looking at differently. Up 'til now my biggest fear had been not living long enough to see my children grown. I've realized that if I dwell on that thought (an irrational fear) then it WILL come to pass that way. I'm living for NOW, not in fear based on nothing. I hope this helps.

With gratitude,
Taryn

This course has stirred so much stuff up that I didn't know I was actually plugging in to up until now. It's been uncomfortable (to say the least) to look at myself like this. The way I'm keeping on is to admit that it's only the way I've been seeing things up until now, and be grateful for the experience. Now, I can change it -- even if I have to keep stopping myself in mid-thought and redirecting my thoughts (bottom line here -- MY thoughts) to the Certain Way of thinking. Grabbing SOGR and making myself sit and read it helps shift the dark and cloudy thinking. It began lightening up yesterday a bit. The old stuff in my life/mind is fighting for it's life because it is dying. Well, I say, good riddance to a bunch of stuff that no longer serves me. If it's uncomfortable while stuff is dropping off and being left behind, then so it is.
We are succeeding ! More success to us all !
Talk with you all later..................dd

It was interesting to see the reasons that other people give for not having money. I've been seeing more and more that my reasons have to do with what I was taught as a child about "greed."
Also "self-sacrifice." And "giving." And maybe
"selflessness" too. I should add that my father was a minister, a very nice man, and dedicated to
"doing good." But what worked for him and for my
mother doesn't seem to work for me. It doesn't make me happy as apparently their ideals made them happy.

My father was always lauding my mother for being
so "self-sacrificing" and holding it up to we children as one of the greatest goods. Unconsciously probably, I've sometimes followed my mother's pattern and found myself being exploited economically by my first husband and by many persons I've worked for who loved my work and also the fact that I was not demanding of money. I've also worked for nothing for causes I admired, even when I couldn't afford to do so.

Until now...that is. The problem is, even though I thought I was over being exploited, I got two requests for free-lance jobs from people this month, one who said he couldn't afford much...but he is a nationally-known person who publishes quite a few books every year. The other after wanting to pay me for some research tried to talk me out of the money after I had done the job for her. I didn't fall for this, but felt very bad that I was still attracting this kind of attitude.

Maybe these are just tests to allow me to practice saying "no." Because it is regressing back to a much earlier time in my life. I know it must be something in my own attitude that has allowed this to happen. I'm working on it.
I'll have to do that mirror exercise and say to myself over and over that I'm worthy of a good exchange of energy for the work that I do. Anyone have any other ideas?

Rose

Hello everyone,

I recall my parents having a strong view about respecting others, about not making fun of those less fortunate than ourselves [both worthy pursuits] but also having a strongly held view on taking little and not being "greedy".

I can see now that this has had quite a limiting effect on me [depsite my wealth aims]and my subsconscious state on what I could and should [or couldn't and shouldn't] have or do in this life - I now see this as a real dealbreaker for me - Simply catching people's perspectives on the forum today [my first day here] has shown me at least three areas where my past conditioning [parents, school, friends, teachers etc etc] have programmed limits to achievement for me, most of which relate to what I can and can't do or have or be. I have also now a much healthier perpsective on sharing my views with other who I don't know, but who I feel I can trust. So thank you to all for your contributions.

The question of programming or conditioning is most likley a matter for all. Some more and some less. Against the graphic realisations that I have made today from your comments and remarks, I would ask others to also consdier this fcator and to re-read [and possibly re-think some of their responses] their lifelab exercises against this conditioning element. It might be very worthwhile in breaking through to a clearer understanding of the truth behind the cretain way.

Love and warmest regards


Craig

One of the reasons a lot of us are feeling that inner turmoil, or uncomfortable, or scared, is because we're getting out of our 'comfort zones'. We are CHANGING. Change is not the easiest thing in the world. We are taught in our society(at least in America, not sure about other countries) to make a STABLE life for ourselves. LONGterm CAREER, JOB, put down ROOTS, etc. We are not trained or even sometimes told about change. So, it's something entirely new to some of us. (not me, I've changed TOO many times. :P) Even when some of us have changed.. we've still only changed WITHIN our comfort zones. SHame shame. Haha. We need to change change. Hope this helps some people.

Silve

Hi Rose;

There were many things in your post that hit home with me. I've spent too long being told by everyone else what I "can't" do. I also worked for people that didn't pay me for the job that I was doing. I wanted to be recognized for doing the work (and doing it well) without having to always go ask for more. It never worked out that way!! Now I own my own business and work from home. I LOVE IT! I've also starting doing all kinds of things that others say I can't do to prove to myself that I can do it and to prove to them that they don't know what I'm capable of. I have three year old quadruplets and after they were born I heard my mother say to someone that she never realized just how strong and capable I actually am. Talk about a good feeling!! She has always accused me of being selfish before that. Don't things change. I finally realized that my life has to be on my terms--I'm not out to hurt anyone--I much rather enjoy being happy, giving, and loving. It's just up to me to make sure that I make it happen.

With gratitude,
Taryn

Hi Gerrie,

Maybe I too, am way off base. Not knowing what your illness is, I simply will relate a little of what I do know. My family was always broke. Gramps also didn't believe in doctors or medicine and it didn't help that the first dental experience was from hell. Now Gramps was not only against doctors and their medicine (I have never had my shots to this day), but he lectured EVERYBODY about it, in every conversation, in every letter, in seven languages! As a kid, I found this quite insane. (I should mention that he had OTHER, VERY strong beliefs that he lectured on also.) Well, funny as it sounds, maybe Gramps is getting more intelligent every day and I am tending to start understanding him a bit better, and I am 63 and only speak ONE language. I was NEVER sick as a kid. I didn't DARE get that way, cause Gramps cures were HELL! Now today, I still hardly ever get sick. Nor, did I allow my kids to get sick and today, they are hardly ever sick. Nor are their children sick. It isn't all genes. It's a state of mind. My Aunt's children never got sick either. Nor do their children. It's not that we are so broke we can't buy insurance. It's because we simply have been ingrained to NOT be sick. Now, the other part. Gramps was always broke. Gramps worked hard. Gramps had big dreams of investing in a gold mine. We grew up working hard as an ethic, but never seeing ourselves as RICH. A few of my cousins have changed that mind set, and one uncle, but as a whole, it is just a hard-working family, with me being the one with the least. That is probably because I was the only one that knew Gramps personally and lived with him. (I am 10 years older than my oldest cousin.) There is more to the story, but I was trying to say something about illness. Often children pretend to be sick to get out of things like school. If they were successful once, they will repeat the action. Several repeats later, illness becomes a habit. For some, a serious habit, like a drug addiction. I'm sure the same thing works in the abundance department (in fact, I'm positive), however, learning to break that habit is probably harder than trying to break a drug addiction. Not sure. . .but that is the way my mind works.

I was just reading, Silver, what you wrote about the comfort zone and it HIT ME. It had not occurred to me before now that the previous comfort zone is really not comfortable at all; it's just been familiar (up until now). Until now I'd been saying to myself things about moving out of the comfort zone, too. Granted, we are moving into an unknown and that may feel uncomfortable - or not. Since we are continually creating our own experience, we can turn that unknown into a true comfort zone for ourselves.
Well, here we all are leaving some of the familiar behind and charting new territory for ourselves. GREAT ! ! !
Talk to you all later ..................dd

Well, I said some BIG no's last week... The first one was that I cancelled a web host that is wonderful but over-priced for the benefit that I was receiving. That was hard for me, because the people are so nice and give such great service.

The next—and biggest—"no" was telling my partner on a project that I simply won't be doing it. It has dragged on for over a year (all my work would be "on spec" with no guarantee of specific profit) with my procrastinating... it was even affecting my health. But I couldn't bring myself to say "no" before, because I was afraid of disappointing the other person.

Anyway, belonging to this group—and at least faintly believing that someone might take notice of these small steps out of bondage—gave me the extra "push" I needed to make the moves I had been putting off for so long. Thanks to anyone who reads this and wishes me well!

"Yes! ready money is Aladdin's lamp." ~ Lord Byron

Hi D!

GREAT for you!! The changes you have begun to make in your life! Comfort Zone= just another word for UNAWARE. You are waking up!! Staying aware on a moment by moment basis will lead to even more and continual benifical change!

in awareness/Joe

HI -- Well Done -- AND you knew you could do it all along, huh ! ! ! "Small steps out of bondage" -- what an accurate way to say how that feels. OK, you wonderful fellow genius, you -- Keep enjoying yourself AND Much JOY and Success to You.................dd

I can relate to the illness thing Valsrich. I remember faking a cold and fever to get out of going to school when I was younger and invariably would end up actually being sick. When my son started going to school I told him that he could have three wellness days per year off from school...his choice. He didn't need to pretend to be sick. These were days that he could have anytime he wanted. He was rarely sick and he enjoyed the control this choice gave him. He's 20 now and feels no guilt taking a day off from school or work when he feels the need to rest and de-stress.

In terms of how up until now being broke has served me...I've been thinking on this a lot lately and I feel that part of it is a pattern I got into with my husband, who I'm separated from at the moment. He's always had the money and it somehow ties us together. I feel that if I do for myself, become rich and am able to support myself, our relationship will end completely, so I hold myself back. I know deep inside that it's unhealthy for me and I need to let it go and move on. Up until now I haven't been willing to risk it, but I am becoming more and more willing each and everyday.

Maureen
Reiki Waves

Maureen--

That's a great idea about wellness days. In our house, the only excuse for not doing something you were supposed to do is illness--hence, I was ill a lot.

Kurt Vonnegut wrote a story where the moral was this: "Be careful what you pretend to be, because in the end, you are what you pretend to be." In his story, the "what if" was negative. But the exact same power can also be positive, and is the essence of the certain way, I believe. "What if . . ." "I allowed myself to live abundantly?" "I did exactly what I wanted to do with my life?" "I lived each day, fully alive?"

The possibilies are endless . . .

Here's to changing my perception of this double-edged sword from a threat, to a gift.

Peace.

Ilana