Someone not yet "in the flow" might read all these posts about feeling good no matter what as selfish - I know I would have done, a few years ago.

So I wanted to post, and hopefully initiate a thread, about how SoGR is making me (us?) a better contributor of "more life to all, less to none":

yesterday, my business was due a delivery of some paperwork that let's just say represented nearly half our income this month. It was time-sensitive, and had to be with us by 1pm.

The courier messed up - despite clear signs on what doorbell to ring etc, he or she dropped in a "Sorry you were out, please pick up tomorrow from our offices" card.

This was VERY bad news.

In the past - the recent past, I don't mind admitting - I'd have ranted, raged, felt genuinely desperate, maybe even questioned whether the courier had at least one DONKEY as a parent - but no.

Without even thinking about it (until later, hence this post) I immediately took a CMI stance that this delivery WOULD be made, in time, and nobody (this was newly important to me) would lose out by it - not even the person who'd failed to deliver.

I phoned the courier's head office and made clear 1. I needed that delivery and 2. I wasn't looking to cause a colleague trouble, and lo - got to pick up my item, with full co-operation, with hours left to spare. The usual rule for this company is that at least 24 hours have to pass between failed delivery and pickup, so this is a pretty big deal!

So, I credit SoGR with making me less of a rabid "I knows my rights!" -type rabid customer, seeing every service as a potential robbery waiting to happen (UK TV thrives on such stories at the mo ) and instead, everything just happened as it should have done, with a minimal extra effort (by picking up the item) from me.

Leaving aside whatever caused the initial mistake, this to me is clear proof that SoGR doen't just WORK (as in, we got our paperwork) but also makes the world a better place - I was less angry, vengeful, and vinegary - the courier didn't get in trouble due to us ranting down the phone that their manager, and the other party never knew a thing about it, and so the transaction sailed smoothly, causing them no problems either.

If that's not "win/win" - due to a simple shift in attitude, perspective, whatever - what is?

That's a great story Fountainbleu. It took Wally's little book to realise how obnoxious I really was.

To give just one example of this, I was always mangling people's names; you I'd maybe have called Falconbleu, Phil would be Philistine... like that.

I actually thought that crap was funny. But I slowly came to see how tasteless and disrespectful it was. I realised I was more than my teeny-tiny self-absorbed ego.

I like being bigger. I'd like to stay that way.

Seeing the Divine in everyone?

Yes! I am totally doing that, now, without even noticing until your post - even my annoying neighbours, I no longer "flip them the bird" when I hear them go out! lol!!

I had a couple of similar experiences this week.

In the past I have been quick to get impatient with red-tape, glitches, or any sort of bureaucracy in my life. I've been known to throw full-on temper tantrums when things didn't go my way. In fact, I often let my husband handle such things -- it's always been better that way.

Twice this week I've experienced what could have been very annoying snags -- related to money not being where it was supposed to be at the right time. But both times I was able to... 1.breath
2.remind myself that being upset would only bring me more of the same
3.chant that "only good will come of this experience"
4.imagine things working out smoothly

Both times I was able to resolve the issue calmly, quickly and easily.

You're right Fountainbleu -- I am making the world (not to mention my life) a more pleasant place to be!

Love and blessings,
Rachel

Up until now I had trouble staying assertive and being nice at the same time.
I used to turn in to the doormat I always was.

quote:

I have trouble staying assertive and being nice at the same time.
I turn in to the doormat I always was.

Hey, Liesbeth, how about, "Up til now I HAD ..." or, better yet, just let go of that disempowering affirmation altogether.

I learned a terrific phrase from one of my favorite teachers: "Thank you, and no," said with a smile. Takes practice! But practice and the desire and will to change that old habit are really all it takes.

(I realize that "Thank you, and no" isn't a perfect fit in all similar circumstances, but the ESSENCE of it definitely can be. We don't really owe anyone any explanation of why we choose not to do something they want us to, and not getting defensive makes everything smoother and easier and cleaner, once you get the hang of it.)

Thanks Rebecca,
Changed my post. Much better now.

quote:

Changed my post.

OK. I wasn't really talking about the post per se but about all of us just noticing how we think and talk (and write) and then, consciously, choosing to shift those perceptions and habits until we have new, happier habits (and better "results," too!).

I agree with Rebecca, you don't really have to use any specific words to assert yourself.

Not that assertive people don't practise compassion and generosity, but for them, these are ends in themselves. They aren't trying to get anyone to like them, they just like being nice to other people.

So they ARE nice, but on their own terms and for their own pleasure.

quote:

Originally posted by Rebecca:

quote:

Changed my post.

OK. I wasn't really talking about the post per se but about all of us just noticing how we think and talk (and write) and then, consciously, choosing to shift those perceptions and habits until we have new, happier habits (and better "results," too!).

I know, but changing my post, reprograms my mind a bit.
And up until now I used your 'up until now' ("tot voor kort" in Dutch).
Just, sometimes I forget. Or, up until now, I used to forget sometimes.
See, learning.

quote:

Up until now I had trouble staying assertive and being nice at the same time.

Okay, I had another thought on this. There's a flawed premise imbedded in this sentence. It implies that "staying assertive" is the opposite of "being nice." And that both things are desirable. No wonder it seemed difficult to accomplish. As long as you are worried that others may disapprove of you, you will always have trouble saying no to them.

"Staying assertive while still being nice" is an illusion. That's only what it looks like from the outside. From the inside, it feels like absolute commitment to the highest good for everyone.

The truth is that when you are truly committed to your CMI, and you really KNOW that your happiness is the key to making the world a better place, then you will naturally make choices that nurture YOU. AND you will be able to assert your choices with true compassion for the other person -- KNOWING that doing what they want will NOT make things better for anyone (unless it's good for YOU.)

You probably already realized this, but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

Love and blessings,
Rachel