Last year after breaking up with the love of my life I was fortunate to find SOGR. While I broke up with my girlfriend, it was because she had developed a strong interest in someone else and I felt her drifting away. I thought that if I gave her the space she needed she would respect me for that and eventually come back to me.
During this time I applied the principles of SOGR in every area of my life and have seen remarkable results. In a year when it would have been very easy to let myself go I set goals for myself and met them all. I made more money than I ever made and am in the best shape of my life. In fact I have had the good fortune to be able to date a number of interesting and attractive women. The breakup also brought out the best in my friends and family when they supported me, reinforcing how lucky I am to be surrounded by such great people.
With all this, you may be wondering what my problem is. Well, the truth is that I still find my ex girlfriend to be extremely special in every way. We stay in contact, get along and occasionally profess our love for one another. (although I have stopped doing that recently)
Over the past few weeks I have received phone calls from her telling me how much she thinks about me, misses me and wonders what may have been. She told me that she knows that when I am with her she feels like a better person. She is going to be in town in the next few weeks and wants to meet with me. In some ways this is everything I have been hoping for over the course of the past year. BUT, when she asked to see me when she is in town I told her that I wasn't sure about that.
The truth is I am ready to see her. I am not nervous and am not expecting to get back together just bacause we may meet for a drink or dinner. I think it would be nice to see my friend. Why did I not say yes?
She will be in town with her boyfriend (this is the guy she had developed the interest in)and I would prefer it if she were in town specifically to see me. Does this line of thinking fall under the part where you should not question how something comes to you? I am also being careful because I feel that she has proably reached the point where the infactuation of her new relationship has worn off and she misses what we had. I do not want her to think that I am a backup plan in case her relationship does not work out.

I am sorry for the long email, I thought some background was important and the fact that this is everything that I have been working toward and do not want to screw it up.

Thank you in advance. Everyone on this site is great and I have learned much from just reading the different posts.

History repeats itself and perhaps you believe as many people do that this is some sort of prophetic voodoo caused by the magnetic resonance of the solar wind and impossible for science to fathom, but in reality it is much simpler than that: people cause history and people are creatures of habit. Habit is efficient.

So, this advice comes to you from many long years of experience before my time from many men all over the world and has been proven the hard way by me as well:

Think with the head above your shoulders.

quote:

She will be in town with her boyfriend (this is the guy she had developed the interest in)and I would prefer it if she were in town specifically to see me. Does this line of thinking fall under the part where you should not question how something comes to you? I am also being careful because I feel that she has proably reached the point where the infactuation of her new relationship has worn off and she misses what we had. I do not want her to think that I am a backup plan in case her relationship does not work out.

YIKES-all kinds of red flags go up for me, Orange 913.
I don't think that she is being sincere-either with you or the guy that she's with. Sounds like she's playing both of you. Listen to your gut. What does it tell you? Take a step back and really FEEL that. Then, go with it. And yes, isaidso is correct-be sure that you're thinking with your mind, not your body.

quote:

History repeats itself and perhaps you believe as many people do that this is some sort of prophetic voodoo caused by the magnetic resonance of the solar wind and impossible for science to fathom, but in reality it is much simpler than that: people cause history and people are creatures of habit. Habit is efficient.

Hi isaidso,
WHAT??

Isaidso and Ancient Soul;

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It is most appreciated.
I understand what you both mean about being careful with physical attraction. Trust me, that warning is very important, but not the case. I realize after reading my post that I gave a lot of facts but was not very clear with my question. I guess my question (in SOGR speak)is this:

By saying no to a meeting am I not being open to receiving my CMI? After all aren't we supposed to be clear on what we want, but not question HOW it comes to us? Or should I not worry that this is my only opportunity to make things work. After all Mr. Wattles ensures us that opportunities are always around the corner. Obviously, I said no because something did not feel entirely right.

In regards to Isaidso's rather cryptic response. I think he means that I should not confuse her coming to see me as quantum physics at work. He thinks it is just that as humans we seek what is comfortable and familiar.
Again, my sincere thanks. It is nice to know that strangers would take time to help!

quote:

Originally posted by Ancient Soul:

quote:

History repeats itself ... Habit is efficient.

Hi isaidso,
WHAT??

She dumped him once, and if she goes back to him, then she'll dump the other. History repeats itself because of history? the prophecy? the unexplained magnetic resonance of the solar wind?

habit.

And habits are formed by?

repetition.

So from the objective viewpoint and also the unconscious viewpoint of Orange913 who speaks of this girl by her attributes of dumping rather than her attributes of committing, you see...

Thinking from the head shows statistically, probably, intuitively, that she will?


And therefore the sound advice which was filtered for vulgarity: THINK

I'm going to use my daughter as an example. Bless her heart, but she doesn't seem to be able to make up her mind.

Right now, she is with a super guy. She finally left an abuser-her second. But she keeps being drawn back to the abuser by him doing nice things for her. She has since moved out, but, all of a sudden, the abuser is being there for her. He wasn't most of the time they were together.

I love my daughter, but she tends to get involved very quickly. What does this say about her? She is still insecure and not sure about what she wants.

As an older woman, I can tell you, you made the right decision. The fact that she is coming there with the boyfriend says she is insecure about who she is and wants to make sure someone is on the side lines so if one doesn't work out (in her mind) then the other one will be there for her.

Do you see the correlation? There are plenty of wonderful women out there who would love to have a man who would be as caring as you are. One of them is the one who you will connect with the most. She will be the one you will want to dedicate your heart and life to. And while we're on that subject, something to consider is, since you are deeply involved with SOGR and have seen such great results, why not set your CMI for the woman who believes the way you do? Imagine what a fantastic relationship you could have with her. Isn't this, truly what you want, the woman who you would have deep compatibility with?

Hi Orange913,

I thought this particular part of SOGR would be helpful to you and I quote:

"As you go on in the certain way,opportunities will come to you in increasing number,and you will need to be very steady in your faith and purpose,and the keep in close touch with the supreme mind by reverent gratitude"

The question then as isaidso and ancient soul have pointed out, is, is she wanting to rekindle the relationship with you for the right reasons, reasons that are beneficial for both of you or as ancient soul out it very bluntly, she is merely playing the both of you?

in any case, with SOGR specifically in mind, choose to think the very best thoughts about your relationship with your ex.

If it is friendship you want, see and feel that friendship blossoming. Physical attraction would play a part in any relationship,of course,but if both of you can be completely honest about what it is both want from the relationship, maybe it will be easier for both of you to move on.

your feelings are probably telling you that something you fear may happen. If that is the case, your thoughts are causing you to say no to her invitation

I wish i can be clearer but hopefully it is helpful in some way

Blessings
Kevin

Here is another way to look at it. You are wondering if you made a wise decision to attach this woman to your life by having her as a part of your CMI. Read that sentence very carefully, again, because you can convince yourself that you want practically anything.

Is it wise to have this woman in your desires?

My own daughter has trouble making up her mind as well, that is how she learned patience.

It is wonderful to maintain friendships with past lovers. Of course you still have feelings for her, she was an important part of your life, once upon a time. Many people seem to believe, just because a romantic relationship didn't work out that you can't remain friends and have a great deal of respect for them.

If you are wondering about your feelings for her then avoidance isn't the answer, remember a door always opens when the other is closed. Perhaps you feel that this meeting will be the closure and you're unsure you are wanting this?

Maybe agree to a meeting for dinner WITH her boyfriend and make it a foursome, invite another female 'friend' of yours and have a social evening and see where it goes.

BE grateful for the experience of having that relationship with her and also BE grateful for the feelings you KNOW you are capable of having, yes even for her, and BE grateful that those feelings will be there for the next person you meet. BE grateful that she has a boyfriend in her life and BE grateful for the year you had apart from her.

Wow! Thank you all for the responses. You have all given great points to consider. It is quite funny how using SOGR was very straight forward for me when it came to other areas of my life. For example, I am in sales, and points such as inspired action versus motivated action were easy to differntiate between. The results were clearly visisble and easily measurable.

When it comes to matters of the heart things get a little less clear. Maintaining gratitude for things with my ex (like Debryan pointed out) were often difficult to do and there were no visible results. But the more I kept up with sincere feelings of gratitude I started to receive small indications that my ex may be coming back to me.

Kevsky and Penwright mention her confusion and to determine if she is looking to meet for the right reasons. Since my first post I took time to speak with her in an honest, open manner about the intentions behind seeing me. She admitted that she is confused right now and not entirely happy. I told her that even if she settles the 'confusion' issue she has as it relates to me and her boyfriend she will not be happy. She agreed with me that:

- she needs to find happiness within herself.
- she has thought that having the right man in her life would bring her happiness
- she admitted that it was unfair to hold me responsible for her personal happiness

I told her at this point it would not be a good time to meet. If she was sincere about finding her personal happiness that seeing me now would probably hinder that process.

Lastly, to Isaidso; Even though your posts are about as easy to read as an Ayn Rand novel, you could not be more dead on about the patience factor. A couple of months ago I would have rushed into this meeting with her. But thanks to SOGR I know if we decide to rekindle things, it will only be right if she is in a better place.

Thanks to everyone for taking time to help. The best to you all.

Thank you all