Hello All!

I have a little question, and perhaps some of you with the same intentions might have some ideas or wisdom to share?

I believe that one of the best gifts I can give my young daughter is the gift of how to create success and live abundantly. I also tend to think that the years before school age are foundational to her personality development. It is very important to me to show her her own greatness, and raise her to know that she is without limits, entirely the captain of her own ship and able to be, do and have whatever her heart desires. We all know, this is the kind of "good stuff" that is not taught in schools... along with other practical things like balancing cheque books! I don't have a very high opinion of most institutionalized education systems for most children- though I know many fine educators in such places doing their very best to not create drones!

Now.. that being said- she is ONLY 3 years old!! Now, as Wally says about poverty et al- I believe that simply the right thing to do is lead by example and show her that ordinary people DO live extraordinary lives. Get rich, live life as fully as you can- that is the best ways to show others!

Now, anyone with any amount of experience with toddlers might realize that- well, they are challenging at times and I am cognizant of my social responsibility to have her become "civilized" within reason! (now, believe me I think far too many people are not very appreciative of age appropriate behaviors and have very little thought or patience for the perspective of children)! That being said, I have a very well behaved girl (99% of the time) who goes with me everywhere- for the most part. Of course, there are "normal" things like whining, not following instructions when they aren't as interesting as current activity etc etc from time to time and she most certainly is her mother's daughter. No mistaking that absolute determination that some might call hard headed!!! I try to show her ,that if she ASKS for what she wants- she will get it if she wants it- of course within reason. Now, I am sure that many of you can guess that this leads to some difficulties for Mommy at times and can involve quite a bit of creative parenting! Like right before bedtime- Mommy I want chocolate ice cream!!! OK, honey, you can have chocolate ice cream tomorrow after lunch. What you need to do right now is go to bed so you can GET to tomorrow! That used to work just fine and I ALWAYS keep my promises.. but as of late I am hearing things like- Mommy, LUNCH is a LONG TIME AWAY!!!

Limits are streeeeeched and the balance is sometimes difficult to manage between empowered, balanced and happy child and the kind of precocious you-know-what that those less tolerant of little people comment upon!

At any rate, does anyone have experience in this or ideas? My own dear father (who respects my ideals and understands where I am coming from, thankfully!) will raise an eyebrow at me when my little one come 16 year old expresses herself! I am confident (most of the time!!!) that I am making the best choices I can for my unique child- regardless of what other people think. But, has anyone perhaps got a bit more experience in this a few years down the road- I am beginning to think my CMI should include a secluded desert island home for her 16th birthday??



Jani

Hi Jani,
What a neat post.
The BEST way to teach her (and I am a mother of 3 very creative children)is to be a Power of Example. Your behavior and actions speak louder than anything else.

I found it to be very important that you teach your child that it is NOT okay to FORCE her will upon others. I have found that the best way is to quietly say NO and STICK TO IT. And if she responds by saying things like "tomorrow is a long ways away" my answer would be "Yes honey, it sure is."

I have a 16 year old whose father (we're divorced) allowed my son to force his will upon him because he has a really tough time setting limits and boundaries, so my son never learned about delayed gratification or accepting that is is okay for others to say NO. He is now learning from me that No means NO. If you say no and then cave in, you're teaching your child not only that forcing her will and manipulating yields results, but that it's NOT okay to say NO.

Hope this helps,
Julia

Thank you Julia for the wise reflection! You are absolutely 110% correct- limits have never been my forte! I tend to pick my battles- when I use "no" it is an absolute.

I do absolutely believe in delayed gratification, age appropriate! Funny, your remark about what you might say.. I believe in that specific case, I said "Yes, lunch is TOMORROW. You can't get to TOMORROW without sleeps. Why don't you try to go sleeps as fast as you can now so TOMORROW comes sooner??"

Mind you, reflecting upon that- I don't know what I might do when she realizes that one CAN actually stay awake all night. Hopefully that day never comes!!! lol!

In gratitude,



Jani

Hi Jami,

I will reply in depth to this post, I have some thoughts but want to take more time than I have had or do now!

Try using words that she can understand. Telling her she can have whatever she wants if she wants it bad enough means something different to an adult vs a child.

I have 4 boys from 15 to 3 and my wife is not into LOA or SOGR at all. Me being a good parent wanted to teach my kids about the law of attraction so they could learn how it works and get a great jump on life but when I tried to talk to them my wife would try to correct me and say that is not right and she even started poking a little fun at me for it. So my kids started poking some fun at me too and different times. She just doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to so the only choice I have is to keep it to myself and to show them by example of how life can be.

I still haven’t given up on trying to teach the kids how this work but I have tried to put it in a way they can understand that doesn’t sound like it LOA or SOGR related. For example they often get upset and frustrated about doing some activity or not. So I remind them that having a bad attitude doesn’t help them get what they want. Try to be happy and positive and it make life a lot easier. These are accepted statements that are accepted by everyone so there is no poking fun and they learn. When they ask for things that they cannot have I tell them no and say why they cant have it and then I let them know that there are a lot of other kids that won’t even be able to get it tomorrow. So be grateful for what you do have.

I let them know that they can do or be anything they want in life if they just believe it. What parent can poke fun at that.

So these are things that are all related to SOGR but put in a way that are socially acceptable everywhere.

Bill
www.thurstoninsurance.com
www.sellinsuranceathome.com

Hey Bill!

Thanks for your response! Yup, I hear you about in terms she can understand.

I understand how you might be frustrated with your wife not quite "getting it" as you do! Isn't it wonderful that we have this forum to talk about these things with like minds? You know, as Wally very clearly says.. don't argue it, just do it and live by example! You are doing the right thing, just keep at it!

One thing I can recommend to you is a fabulous book and workbook I got over at www.bleepstore.com about LoA its called "You can be anything" and it is very beautifully illustrated and a great, timeless story. I'm also a big fan of Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the Places You Will Go!". I got that actually when I graduated from University, and it was actually the one gift that I really REMEMBER clearly and appreciated!

I don't think we need worry if the concepts are "socially accepted" or not! They are universal laws, just like gravity.. and people will "get it" just like they now all KNOW the world is actually not flat, but round!

Its funny how kids, especially teen agers will poke fun at their parents isn't it? I remember that all TOO well! My own folks sure put up with a great deal of my cockiness.. never mind, they will GET IT when they have kids of their own and think, Gee, what a wonderful, forward facing father I had, how LUCKY am I that he taught me!



Jani

Hi Jani,

I finally have a little time to sit down and write out my thoughts in reply to your post!

I'm going to tell you about my kids (now 45 and 42), then a little about what I understand about the subconscious mind, then I will tell a little about my nephews work - and lastly what I would do if I were raising children now instead of 40 some years ago!

My wife is Japanese and therefore our children were disiplined a little more than some of their friends, but it was with love and we always told them that they could be anything that they wanted to be. I told them that the meaning of sucess in life was doing something that they enjoyed - and if they could make an income large or small that would be a sucess! Today our daughter is a set designer in Hollywood! The last film that is out that she had worked on is Hancock, she has also worked on the three Spiderman movies! Our Son is a Doctor specialising in Polomonolgy. His practice is in two hospitals in Wisconsin, he is Vice Chairman of Medicine in one of the hospitals. They are both living their CMI's, both of their spouses are sucessful in their fields and both have two great children!

I have taken a course by Harry Carpenter who had written a book titled "The Genie Within, Your Subconscious Mind, How It Works and How to Use It". The subconscious mind remembers everything that has ever happend to us, everything that we have ever heard, everything that we have ever seen or everything that we have ever thought! And we believe that everything that is in our subconscious mind is true! Also we don't begin developing the Cortex, our conscious mind, until age 5. That means that until age 5 we are operating solely on our subconscious mind. I think that it would be a great idea to be very careful of what goes into our children's minds - or our minds for that matter!

My Nephew was the Valdictorian in his class in High School, he recieved a full scholarship to Harvard but after a year decided that wasn't what he wanted to do. He then went to College at Saint John's in Santa Fe, New Mexico. His interest was the socratic method of teaching, learning by asking questions, and then finding your own answers! Today he teaches the socratic method of teaching around the world! It is helpful that he speaks 5 languages.

Today I would continue to tell my kids that ther true meaning of sucess would be to do something that they enjoy and that it doesn't matter how much money they make. I have found that if you enjoy doing something you will make money at it! I would urge them to ask questions and to find their own answers! I would be very careful about what was going into their minds!

By the way - at one time I would have been supprised if they would have gratuated High School - and again the real secret was them finding out what they wanted to do and then doing it!

Could this work for the rest of us?

quote:

Originally posted by Tom Strong:

By the way - at one time I would have been supprised if they would have gratuated High School - and again the real secret was them finding out what they wanted to do and then doing it!

Could this work for the rest of us?

Thank you for your thoughtfull response Tom!

I think your last statement was the best part of it.. you told them success is doing what they love, they figured out what they wanted and went for it!

I agree about the years before 5.. that is why I have decided to be a stay at home, work at home mom- though some days I realize why some parents go to work! I find it to be very rewarding the great majority of the time though, and simply can't imagine all the fun I would be missing if I did not make this choice!

It's very wonderful to have the advice and experience from someone who has been here- and obviously your children are happy and well rounded. I think, at the end of the day- it doesn't matter where they land as long as they are happy!



Jani

When my son was in 1st grade he was having behavioral issues (ADHD related) in school and not liking it at all. One day we are driving to school and talking about the importance of it. I point to a man digging a hole at a construction site and say "If you don't finish school you could end up digging holes for a living like him." My son answers,"but he's got a lot of friends." (the "friends" were the 6 other guys standing around watching him dig the hole lol!). So I said, "Well he probably doesn't make much money, and has to ride a bike to work, and doesn't have much" and my son replied.. "Yeah, but I bet it's a good life experience for him!"

Well played, my son! LOL

I think the best way to pass on a positive way of thinking is in what you say in all the little minutes of a lifetime. They truly do learn by example.