Hi All

I need some sage advice.

I Have a 15 year old son (eldest of 6) he was caught shop lifting yesterday and has been fairly rebelious of late. I think becoming independant is a natural thing at his age, but stealling is not. He was given a warning by the police, but I am concerned he has not taken it seriously. Any experience others have had & ideas of how I may be able to get him to understand the universal laws taught on this site.

Love

ROhan

Thanks guys.

Your assistance is great.

Love

Rohan

Dear RAB,

First of all, thanks for the trust in all of us to share your experience here at the forums.

As a Mom of 3: a 24 year old daughter and two boys, 21 and 17, I have been through their teenage years, and it does bring challeges, which can be turned into opportunities for our children as well as for us, as parents. Opportunities to bond, to set clear boundaries, to re-assure love, and also to allow them to live responsibly with the consequences of their behavior.

Being a strong believer in STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting - I believe is the name in English - I live in Mexico so I'm not certain, but you might have heard of it), I honestly agree that behind all "inadequate" behavior lies a need. It can be for attention, for boundaries, to assert independence, etc.

I agree with Carolyn, Julia and Chris that love, and alignment, along with clear boundaries of what is acceptable behavior for my family is what I have tried to transmit to my children - not always easy, yet always a learning experience. I also believe that expressing that it is the behavior that is unacceptable, and not him. That HE is loved by you, and because of our love we allow our children to face with responsibility the consequences of their choices.

Love as well as a healthy dose of frustration (the natural kind that life sends our way once in a while is what allows us to grow and mature.

RAB, I hope this doesn't sound too harsh and is helpful. It is my experience after all. I wish you the best and let us know how you and your son are doing.

Romy

quote:

Originally posted by RAB:
I Have a 15 year old son (eldest of 6) he was caught shop lifting yesterday and has been fairly rebelious of late.

You have had some great suggestions already Rohan and I agree with them entirely.

I would like to echo something Julia intimated - it is very helpful to avoid getting into deep and desperate soul searching/anger/blaming emotional states. Instead, visualise your son's behaviour as you would wish it to be. Don't let any other reality be yours.

While doing that in your own mind and heart, talk to him as Chris suggests. Be clear, honest and direct; ask him about the experience - he will talk to you if he feels that you are not going to tell him off, if you really want to know.

and tell him you love him.

There are many reasons why kids steal.

I was very anti establishment and was a very good shoplifter as an adolescent. Never got caught and gradually found other and better things to do. Funny how we go about things in our limited thinking ways. Now I seek to live in the most moral, kind and ethical way I can, including what I think and feel about others and their behaviour. So most of us grow out of it! LOL Certainly, understanding universal law helps that shift.

I'm not sure how you can help him understand the universal law other than talk to him seriously about the law in a simple way and offer the book to read after a few conversations.

This situation could be an important and pivotal breakthrough in your maturing relationship with your son and I would encourage you to frame it like that in your own mind.

Having the understanding that comes from SOGR puts you in a really good place to manage this situation in a really good way.

blessings, Carolyn

Hi Rohan,
Good to see you on the forum again.
I am a parent of 3 very bright, creative children, 2 boys and a girl. And I even have an exchange student just like them, and they really like eachother.

Having bright, creative, "out of the box" kids often means that they are very independent thinkers, and like to "test" authority, especially in their teens..just like I did .

When I had a factory job, I used to get daily calls from the school because one or the other of my oldest kids was in trouble. It got to the point that my co-workers took bets on who was in trouble that day!

I used to feel terrible shame and embarassment, and get angry and outraged with my kids because of their behavior because I used to think that somehow I was responsible for it or that I created it. But over time, I have learned a very important truth:My children's lives are NOT my creation. They each create their own."
I think that Chris is right on when he said

quote:

And my partner and I did not take it personally and had a giggle about it in private with the shop keeper.

There is an entire section in Abraham-Hicks "The Astonishing Power of Emotions" entitled Example 23-My Daughter Lies Constantly.

quote:

When you are in alignment with who you really are, you will only be seeing the very best in your daughter. And when your daughter is in alignment with who she really is,she will have no reason to tell you lies.

There is no greater gift that a parent could give to their children than the example of being aligned with their own guidance. And so, as you become one who constantly looks for and finds downstream thoughts of alignment, your children will learn to maintain their connection with that broader guidance as well-and then this gift of thriving can be passed on from generation to generation.

Hope this helps you as much as it has helped me.

Love and Light,
Julia

Hi:
We had similar experience with our daughter. No charges pressed though. She is a great kid and it was a one time event.

This is what we did, hope it helps.

We felt, that her crime had to be treated as real and not justified as “light weight” in hopes of preventing a pattern occurring.

We expressed that we would have less trust for her when she was stealing AND that trust could be earned back…and it was…very quickly. And as a pack (family) she got a clear message by our behaviour and energy that her actions were not acceptable for the family. That remedy was the most effective cure.

We live in a small town so this helped. We decided she needed to write a letter of apology to the shop keeper and offer, in person, to make up for the problems she caused by her theft.

And my partner and I did not take it personally and had a giggle about it in private with the shop keeper.

Good luck
Chris