I have been blasting and forgiving and feeling better about people and relationships. As a result I have spontaneously made some overatures which were not well received and now I am feeling scared again.

What lesson am I supposed to learn from this? I used to always offer help and it worked out. I just haven't done it for a while because I was beat and overwhelmed.

Also, I am sorta looking for a new social circle. The girls at work are ok, but they are girly, and stick close to home because of money or family. So when I meet someone who shows an interest in something I want to do, I jump right in.

Someone suggested I might have a slight form of aspergers syndrome. Would not having appropriate boundaries be a symptom?

In each case, I had been feeling good, nothing particularly on my mind. I just acted spontaneously and felt I was being nice.

Should I give more thought to random social acts and kind gestures?

I haven't thought too far ahead, but wouldn't that lessen opportunities?

Forget the money for now...I want a hiking buddie, or an art museum travel companion.

Cause I don't understand how come people just don't pick up and do stuff together. why do they have to know each other a lifetime and be related and stuff like that?

Annie,

I think a part of the solution is knowing that when dealing with other people, you need to know that almost everyone is limited by their beliefs. Socially, they’re limited by what they believe is appropriate or acceptable.

Now, what this may mean for you is, you could want to do something and see ‘no problem’ with it, but the other person feels uncomfortable, as they have some ingrained belief about it as inappropriate, unacceptable, wrong, etc.

For a simple example that happened to me in high school, I had a girlfriend that was really beautiful. Talk about experiencing a slice of heaven, for awhile we were two love birds in love,… But it was relatively short lived. Why? Because she was a sophomore and I was a freshman, and when she found out she was older than me she said we couldn’t be together anymore.

In your case, when you make “some overtures which were not well received,” did the other person know you were married, or were you higher up on the employee scale (or lower) or was there some other social distinction at play? If so, would that, for them, make the overture inappropriate? Or, was there an age difference that the other may have considered “inappropriate.” (Note: Just because someone believes something is inappropriate does not mean it is. Recall that not too long ago, inter-racial relationships were deemed inappropriate by many, and still is by some. I have a wealthy cousin who could not date anyone outside her economic or social range, as another example. And, in my example above, I knew of at least a few couples where the girl was older than the guy, and they did just fine.)

What I’m suggesting is: When dealing with others, you might want to consider what beliefs they have, that may interfere with their ability to freely create relationships and experiences. Sometimes you can figure these out and find a way around them. Sometimes not.

Just like with anything else – not just socially, but economicially, or experientially, or academically, artistically, etc. -- most people usually let their limiting beliefs rule out the possibility of greater fulfillment.

Just some thoughts. What do you think?

Phil

quote:

Originally posted by annievt:
I have been blasting and forgiving and feeling better about people and relationships. As a result I have spontaneously made some overatures which were not well received and now I am feeling scared again.

Or it could be you just surprised them. More times than not - when I do this with people - they come around later and talk to me like I'm their best friend. And then it's MY turn to be surprised.

And if they don't, oh well. I still get really embarrassed sometimes and wish I had kept my mouth shut (I even feel that way on this forum sometimes)... But, you know what, Annie? Our intentions are good. Sometimes it clicks with people and sometimes it doesn't. I don't think we should stop putting ourselves out there and going for what we want.

I think what you are doing is GREAT! Really great.

I want someone to hike with now....you wanna go?

But yeah....I guess it could be their hang up. Its not like I asked a younger man, or offered help to someone who didn't need it...hmmmm.

I have hiked and shopped and traveled by myself for ever and it never bothered me. I liked it. Now I have discovered lonliness. I am sad.

quote:

Originally posted by annievt:
I want someone to hike with now....you wanna go?

You bet. Would LOVE that. Just don't make me go to art museums

You ever get to the California Coast - just private message me - and we'll go for a hike

quote:

Originally posted by annievt:
I guess it could be their hang up. Its not like I asked a younger man,...

To me, that's an example of a socially limiting (and unnecesary) belief. On some level, is it one you adhere to? Do you believe there has to be something wrong with being with a younger man? (If not, why did you mention it?)

From what I understand, we project our beliefs, and the world responds accordingly.

Might you have 'hidden' beliefs that are preventing others from being with you, like you want them to?

Phil

Many years ago, when I was a freelance musician, I worked with a great singer-drummer. He told me an interesting story. (At the time we were both in our late twenties) When he was twenty someone from one of the major labels heard him and offered him a $100K recording contract.

Long story short, he turned it downed (missed meetings, didn’t return phone calls, etc.). He said he just didn’t feel right about it. Now he regrets it and said it was due to a lack of confidence.

My point being, whether it’s relating to others, or wanting to start a relationship or change our circumstances, we are often our own worst enemies.

From what I understand, if we are having difficulty with ANY aspect of our lives, it might very well mean we need to look ‘within’ to see if we have beliefs and feelings that are preventing us from experiencing (aka allowing) what we want.

“If things go wrong in my world, something is wrong in me. Therefore, if I am sensible, I shall put myself right first.” Carl Jung

Here’s some thoughts I practice:

I am wonderful. I deserve wonderful relationships. I can handle wonderful relationships.

How are you with these kinds of thoughts? (But note, even if YOU are comfortable with these kinds of thoughts, many people aren't, and so might not be comfortable with you. Note also: I'm not talking about feeling arrogant. To me, everyone would be right to consider their self wonderful.)

Phil

I am not comfortable with relationships unless I am feeling well emotionally. I see. I do see now what you are getting at. How can I expect others to always be in their comfort zone, if I am not also.

So there is at least part of the lesson.

quote:

I don't think we should stop putting ourselves out there and going for what we want

Agreed

Someday I'll find a use for all I've learned from all my socially awkward moments (like maybe I can write for a sitcom?)

quote:

What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?

Do you think you're supposed to be learning lessons? Why do you think that?

Here in the Netherlands there are hiking clubs. Aren't there any where you live?
Also, you could take an art appreciation class. Bet you would meet people there who would love to visit museums with you.

I would love to do both with you. But there is the small problem of an ocean between us.

Re lessons...if I where I don't figure out where I went wrong, how do I fix it?

Who says you need fixing?
You are created perfect, just as you are.

Annie,

There is the Sierra Club in the U.S. that leads group hikes. Check your area to see if any are near you.

Also, does Lowes have an employee bulletin board? If so, you could advertise for a hiking partner.

Sometimes we never know why some things happen. In addition, if it is something you were definitely meant to learn, you would keep experiencing it until you did.

You sound like you are really making progress with a lot of things. Hang in there!

With love & appreciation,
LauraK

I think we thought Sierra Club just at the same moment

Meetings are so scary. But I will try.

I think you are all missing the point.

LOA says that all you have to do is to be a vibrational match to what you want and you will get it.

"Other people's hang ups" have nothing to do with it. If you are a vibrational match to the type of friends you want, they will show up on your doorstep -- meetings or no meetings.

Also, you are perfect. You can learn lessons if you want to, but you don't need to be fixed. You just get to ALLOW all those good feelings in. It really is okay.

I'm done now.

Love and blessings,
Rachel

Annie,

You can go on hikes without going to the meetings. They put out a monthly booklet of hikes all over different areas...or at least they used to.

I started hiking with them years ago...until I learned the different hikes/trails and then I started going by myself. If you go on some of the group hikes you might meet some folks that you can hike with without the big groups.

Since my horse was born I haven't been on a hike...get my exercise working/playing with him.

I think it’s interesting how people will say, “You’re perfect just the way you are.”

I want to ask you people who say this,… If this is so, if all are perfect the way they are, then why do so many experience conditions, situations or relationships they don’t want?

Now, if you were to say to people, “You are exquisite! You are magnificent! You are wonderful and virtually unlimited potential! You are precious and you are sooo worthy of every good thing!” … If you were to say that, then I would agree.

Then, if people were to ask me, “If I’m so wonderful and exquisite, why don’t I experience wonderful and terrific relationships, situations and conditions?” I would reply something to the effect, “Because YOU don’t fully believe you are wonderful, exquisite, precious, worthy, etc.”

Phil

You guys are all kinda awesome. I attracted you.

That makes me feel rather extraordinary.

But then you attracted me...I hope that's based on potential, as you say, Phil.

I'm having fun watching my landscape boss grow and change. That has significance, because I havem't always appreciated him.