I write this short story with permission from my mother.

We can't define love for that is beyond definition, but we can remove the blocks to the awareness of loves presence.

I was 13 years old when my mother became an alcoholic one month to the day my father died from alcoholism. She drank day and night and she was an extremely violent alcoholic.

Before becoming a heavy drinker my mother lead an adventerous life. She was a beautiful prima ballerina in her native country. She was often compared to Sofia Loren. She had a lot of love to share with so many people. She was kind and giving and took care of her children like gold.

So it was extremely hard as a child to see such a beautiful mother spiral into a deep hole of despair.

Well, my mother awoke one day, after 10 years of drinking, and said, "I will no longer drink from this day forward."

No one believed her because in the past she had tried rehab and A.A. She even experienced prison for drunk driving and was rejected by friends and family. But, she kept to her word despite receiving doubts from people around her.

One day while visting her at home and two years after she proclaimed that she will no longer drink I decided to ask her why she had stopped drinking.

She was washing dishes when I asked her the question. She paused for a moment, looked out the window and then turned to me with a tear streaming down her cheek and said, "You never stopped loving me."

You see for the 10 years she drank, regardless of the fights we just had, whether she had threwn ice cold water on me when I was asleep, or come after us with knives or got into physical fights, etc., I would go to her each night and tell her "I love you."

Every night I'd go to her bed, give her a hug, a kiss, bless her, and let her know that she was loved. I never missed a day.

She told me that this one act saved her life and helped her see a new possibility. She created a clear mental image of the kind of life she really wanted.

I guess she was doing SOGR without even knowing it.

Why do I share this with all of you?

Hopefully to inspire you to look beyond appearances and to perceive what is true.

Despite the difficult appearances I never forgot the real truth about who my mother was. Her light never went out.

Our friends and family are love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness and more. Their lights shines brightly despite anything.

If they don't get the SOGR principles, it's O.K. Don't try to change them just love them for where they are at and don't give up on them.

Look beyond their choices and be a witness to truth.

Appreciation from the Heart,

Richard De Haven

Ok guys,

I've got to get in on the gratitude action. Thank you to all for your inspirational words.

I havn't been on here for a week and realized how much I missed it. This place is amazing.

Sending great big of balls Of light.

Richard

quote:

Originally posted by Georgia:
You know something Jayred, you and I could go back and forth with this because when I read your honest and sweet reply, I was overcome with humbleness and gratitude for your words as well.

So the gratitude continues. And isn't this a good thing? It should never fade away.

It is with great joy that I begin my day with gratitude for your reply, and for another chance today to be all that I can be, have all that I can have, and love as much as possible.

Might I also say you do strike me as someone who would make a great teacher!

Yes, the gratitude does continue - and it is a wonderful experience. This morning I woke up thinking of all the things I'm grateful for - amazing! And I'm going to post on that thread about being grateful - what a wonderful opportunity this site is!

You have again touched my heart this morning - thank you for your response, and thank you for your comment re making a great teacher. It is one of my goals/visions to be able to teach and touch people's lives; to inspire and share with others my life experiences and give people hope and belief who are struggling to have some.

Jayne. xo.

You know something Jayred, you and I could go back and forth with this because when I read your honest and sweet reply, I was overcome with humbleness and gratitude for your words as well.

So the gratitude continues. And isn't this a good thing? It should never fade away.

It is with great joy that I begin my day with gratitude for your reply, and for another chance today to be all that I can be, have all that I can have, and love as much as possible.

Might I also say you do strike me as someone who would make a great teacher!

Dear Georgia,

I burst into tears when I read your post ... which was completely unexpected ...I had to think "what is this about?" ... and it's that no-one has ever said such beautiful comments to me before;and ever since my parents died in my teens (which is quite a while ago now!!), it left me feeling that I could touch other people's lives somehow and help others heal and learn. When I read your words Georgia, I feel blessed with a great sense of gratitude - some feeling (it's all a bit indefinable) that God/The Universe is showing me understanding.

I'm sorry this is a bit of a ramble - I'm trying to capture something that I'm not too sure I know what it is!!

But, thankyou so much for your kinds words.

And also to Dave - thank you.


Jayne

Georgia, you and I are really in sync today! Your comments to both Richard and Jayred are wonderful and ring true for me. I am grateful to the 3 of you for providing such touching posts.

Richard my dear friend, the more I get to know you, the more blessed I realize I am by this experience. Thank you for sharing such a powerful and touching life experience with us all. You just never know who you touched by this story.

Jayred, same goes for you. I was so moved by your wisdom at 18 years of age. Telling you Mother you'd be okay and to leave if she was ready to do so, was so loving and says to me you were already wise above your years. And so full of love for her. Bless you my friend. No, actually, I'm the one who has been blessed. By reading what you've offered us here.

I would be so proud to call either of you my friend. You've opened my heart once again to understanding unconditional love. What lessons in love we've received from you both, the gentle teachers!

As I said, bless you both.

JJ

Hi Richard,

Your life experience with your mother touches my heart. It is a wonderful story.

My mother was unable to show love and affection, and suffered depression most of my life with her, and then she died when I was 18, following on from the death of my father. When she was dying and was in a coma, it came to me that she was clinging to life for me. Without really understanding what I was doing, I sat by her bedside and spoke to her about letting go if she needed to and told her I would be alright and that I loved her. We had hard years together, especially after my father suicided when I was 14, but even though I had fantasised that I would bring her home and look after her and everything would be alright after she fell ill (she had a brain tumour), I knew that wasn't to be. My gift of love was those moments by her bedside. She died that night.

Now I have a wonderful daughter who always tells me how much she loves me (and I her) and how much I mean to her. She also says things like "You're gorgeous"!! which I find amazing. So I am blessed.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Hi Richard,

Loved your story and loved to revisit it today. All you need is love

Joyfully

Adrian

God bless you Richard,

Your post was truly inspiring as usual.

It is people like you who make this world a far better place than many could ever imagine.

I am so grateful to be able to read your posts on here. Thank you SOGR, thank you Richard and thank you God.

Love and success to all

Gwen

That's so beautiful, thanks for sharing and blessings to you & your mum.

Chandra x

Oh, my word. I'm crying in the coffeehouse where I sit reading this. Thank you, Richard. What a powerful story. I'm going to print this out and post it on the wall next to my bed as a reminder.

Thank you for your gracious reply Richard.
Truly inspiring.

quote:

Richard, I hope you don't mind my asking but how did you manage to protect yourself emotionally? 'Cause it would have been so easy to succumb to the fear of feeling love because it hurts to have it returned in such ways as you described. What kept you so emotionally intact?

I hope I'm not treading personal territory. Forgive me if I am.

Luv,

Your not treading on personal territory. I have no fears about sharing my life experiences. My life is an open book to teach and to learn from. Besides It's none of my business what other's think.

You asked how I managed to protect myself emotionally. I didn't. I experienced everything from anger, frustrations, rage and more. But I never felt hatred.

I did experience it differently from my siblings. One sister in particular was very angry and it took her a long time to forgive my mother.

My sister blamed my mother for how insecured she was and the mess in her life. It's easy to blame our parents for our screw ups. Fortunetly she realized that only she, not my mother, was 100 percent responsible for her life choices.

I was different in the sense that I focused a lot on Love and what it meant to me. I was a rather strange child. It just came naturally to me.

One blessing that I did have was that my first 12 years of life I had the most loving mother who showered us with so much affection. So I had experienced something different from her.

I'd had people tell me they have a hard time understanding how I can say that my mother was so loving and then turn on her kids the way she did.

I simply tell them that I seperated the behavior from the truth. The reasons why she drank were her own demons. They were not personal toward her family.

I also believe in infinite patience. I believe that everyone at some point will choose truth.

It's really hard to explain in words the love I see and feel within and where this comes from.
All I can say is that as I remove each block that keeps me from having everything in my life my awareness of love's presence grows even deeper.

I'm finding that I'm forgiving less and less and perceiving love more and more from the start.

I just want to say that It wasn't all rosey. There was definitely a lot healing between everyone in the family. My family is so strong now and very close.

Love has prevailed. It always will.

Appreciation from the Heart,

Richard De Haven

Its a good one Richard,

I got a lesson from it.

Thanks

Hyder Abbas

Richard, I hope you don't mind my asking but how did you manage to protect yourself emotionally? 'Cause it would have been so easy to succumb to the fear of feeling love because it hurts to have it returned in such ways as you described. What kept you so emotionally intact?

I hope I'm not treading personal territory. Forgive me if I am.

Just to say I LOVE YOU ALL and am grateful to God for SOGR and for all of you.

Hi Luv and Claudia,

Hope everything is great on your side of the world. The internet is truly amazing.

I did forget to mention that what inspired me to write this was my mother's celebration of 12 years of a new life. She is a whole new woman.

I also want to clarify the following statement I made. "Don't try to change them just love them for where they are at"

What I really meant to say is, "learn to love them regardless of the choices they make."

It will save you years of heartache.

I never had to forgive my mother because I never condemned her.

Appreciation From The Heart,

Richard De Haven

Richard, I don't think I've read such a touching story in a long time. It's so beautiful to be able to love a person so completely and unconditionally. I wish you and your mum all the best.

Richard that is a beautiful story. Good on you for loving your mom.
I know what it means, I just absolutely love it when my girls tell me they love me.
I can remember when my daughter was a still wee thing and she came up to in front of all my friends and said "mama, I love you" Everybody was so astounded as she could hardly talk yet.
Those words are what make me love doing things for my girls. Now I know how God feels when i acknowledge my love. It can only but respond positevly.

And the master teacher Jesus also said that love is the answer.