When we look for what we admire about someone, we will ALWAYS find it.

When we look for what we do not like about someone, we will ALWAYS find it.

Our choice - what we look for...

Its more a matter of not liking women's lives enough to want to be like them. I am more likely to aspire to be a man. And I hate men. I just like what they can do.

For instance, at work, I am unable to load continually. After ten or twenty bags of soil or cement, my arms will turn to jelly. They will just give out. I almost topple over lifting some of the stuff I try to do. A man will walk up and start one handedly tossing the same bags the knock me on my behind and they can keep going. I admire that kind of strength.

I often get male customers ask for men to answer their questions about power equipment that I sell....or to load for them. They just don't want me. No matter how I respond. I am afraid to even smile because I mistaken for fluff, or I am inviting this disgusting flirting. I can't help it. Its my smile. I am used to flashing it for everyone. But where I work it makes me less. It makes me a target. I have never heard one of my male power equipment specialists get as much doubt or personal invitations as I do.

The guys don't get whistled at on the forklift, or condescending jokes about driving. They just drive.

So if I was a man...and I already have the competence, I could keep the men's attention on the sale. They wouldn't doubt my ability to load heavy objects. Everything would go faster, smoother and I would be treated with respect. I would be able to smile and make jokes without it being fluffy and sexual. And I would have arms the size of tree trunks so I could do my job all day without physical failure.

(And yes I work out and visualise to that end. Always have.)

At home, If I were strong enough, I wouldn't spend half of my time on these projects having to come up with creative solutions to circumvent the strength issue. I would just do it the way the guys do...like I've seen my husband do. Its always so easy for him. He walks in the room 6'4" in a suit and he gets respect. I have to work double time to earn a fraction of what he gets and to accomplish a fraction of the physical work he does...lol...not that physical work is his thing. He usually has to have a lie down after his exertion. He makes a much better suit

So I am sitting herer watching the football game with my boys and they are talking about size and strength. At 6'2", they are comparing themselves. Smaller than most, but bigger than some. I can't do that.

And I just missed a Polamolu interception because my tampon was leaking and I had to run to the bathroom and change my panties.

I don't think the healing codes are quite working, because I can't think of one good thing about being a very strong healthy 5'5" 120 pound 49 year old woman right now. And I can think of lots of fun things about being a 6' 2" 180 pound 16 year old young man.

They are sooooo lucky.

Even my action adventure girl with all my feature altered for physical beauty is second best to a being a man fantasy....and I think men are just plain ugly...all of them But damn they can do my job with half my effort, and they can hike in the woods all day without twenty tampon breaks and they can defend a professional quarterback and make a whole lot of money doing it. That is a lot more awesome then anything Oprah ever did.

Sometimes I am able to really see those around me as reflections of myself. If they are all aspects of me, then the qualities they have are MY qualities. If what they do is humanly possible, then I could get this body to do it, too. OR I can simply appreciate that the form they have is exhibiting those qualities FOR me.

In moments of clarity, I can even see that we are all limbs of the same source. Would my hand be upset that the foot is better at walking? Sure I could learn to walk on my hands if I wanted too. That doesn't prevent me from appreciating that the feet are exquisitely designed for it. I can also REALLY appreciate them for doing what they are good at so that I don't HAVE to walk on my hands.

Love and blessings,
Rachel

Hey I just figured something out. I created action adventure chic to be the perfect woman because I am a woman and I thought that was the best I could be. But I'd rather just be a man in my fantasy life and then I could have so much more of the type of life I would like...even if just in my head. I've been men before and I always liked it. Why daydream of less? With my standards of beauty, I have to have just as much surgery to look like her as I do to look like him...ha ha

quote:

Originally posted by annievt:
I don't think the healing codes are quite working, because I can't think of one good thing about being a very strong healthy 5'5" 120 pound 49 year old woman right now.
They are sooooo lucky.

Whats wrong with being a very strong, healthy 5'5" 120 pound woman? I can think of women half your age Annie who would kill to be srong, healthy and 120 pounds!

Whats the appeal in being able to lift heavy stuff? Sure I get it would be handy for your job, but other than that, whats the appeal of physical strength? I use to train hard and think that I could keep up with the boys and didn't need to ask for help. I had to re-train myself to allow my more feminine side to come out and realise it was perfectly ok to lose an arm wrestle to a guy or ask him to get the lid of a tight jar!
Maybe try looking at some healing codes to do with being ok as you are.

Love Shannon

quote:

I'd rather just be a man in my fantasy life and then I could have so much more of the type of life I would like...even if just in my head. I've been men before and I always liked it. Why daydream of less?

Personally I don't think this has a snowball's chance of bringing you long-term happiness, but if it's what you're settling for, then more, or less, power to you, however you like it.

Annievt,
A man can't create children and feed them with their body.
You are a woman, nothing is going to change that. (apart from expansive and painfull surgery wich doesn't even give you the part that is the only thing about being a man I would like to try out ).

quote:

I can't think of one good thing about being a very strong healthy 5'5" 120 pound 49 year old woman right now.

Really? That's a choice, too.

Try being a very weak and unhealthy, overweight 49-year-old woman. That would highlight a lot of good things for you.

So you hate women. It's just another way of saying you hate/despise yourself. And I don't personally see how holding those thoughts and feelings can ever take you anywhere you want to go.

But it's your choice.

Hey...I went out as a man this morning and it was wonderful.

I know I was only acting and feeling like what I thought a man might act and feel, but I did get the sort of responses I wanted from folks.

So I'll just stay here till I get to my healing code session I signed up for. Then I'll see if they can help

Many of my other little issues are falling away. And if they do surface, they are less severe. I think its helping.

Shannon.

I think the book intentionally leaves some of the truth focus stuff out to get you to buy more.

They do offer a list of downloadable samples if you register the book.

Many of them are entity God based, so they are difficult for me to feel. But they do cover twelve areas that the author feels we need to address. I have used theirs and altered them, but feel better if I can come up with a good one that applies to my feelings.

What I like about them so far, is that the basis of the issues just seem to come to me when I do them.

For instance, if I am in one of my rages, it just comes to me that it is a humility issue or a self worth issue, and then I use some of their ideas for truth focus statements and feel better.

Often when we share ideas here, we comment on each other's core beliefs/issues, but we may know much better ourselves where the trouble lies. The healing codes reveal that.

I have even used some of the Abraham Hicks techniques while doing the codes. I say open phrases like "Wouldn't it be nice if..." or "I choose to believe that...".

But some of their issues have been dead on and very effective. For me the most powerful one was "I am forgiven."

I understand your sense that energy healing is ridiculous. There were times when I was tapping (doing eft) with practioners and it wasn't working. The issues and feelings were getting worse. And they would say I had such and such energy problem and it I rubbed my hands together or tapped some part of my body, that it would go a way and then the eft would work. And I'd think "Really?" And when it didn't work...I would feel so stupid for wasting my time and money.

But I do believe it has worked for others. I do believe HC works for others. And I just love the way I feel thee energy flowing through my body when I do them. Probably just static...but it really calms me down. And a few times, afterwards, a positive would creep into my mind, and I just felt like the process changed something.

I do trust that they will help me discover why the gender issue has got progressively worse with age.

Til then, I am going back to fantasy land, even though I couldn't get the lid off the jar a few minutes ago... had to come back to reality there for a minute and do things the girly way.

(Tongue FIRMLY in cheek) Annie, I think you're going to be sadly disappointed if you hitch your wagon to the male human star, based on strength and intelligence - elephants do both SO much better!

http://starcraft-version1.trip...Part-1-elephants.htm

Edit to add, somewhat more seriously: I think you've set up an interesting predicament for yourself here, in which in order to feel good about being a woman, you need to first be "proven" wrong about your views, in a way you have no choice but to accept.

This is a - dare I say it, trap - I have fallen into myself in the past.

And it creates some interesting inner dynamics about strength and personal power along the way...

The key is to remember that beliefs are choices, because what you wish to believe you will ALWAYS find plenty of proof of.

If this wasn't true, there would be no such thing as opposing political or social beliefs, for a start - both "sides" on any debate truly believe they have the clearsest view, precisely because they have so much "proof"!

I do believe you are right. But I have been saying self love affirmations and making gratitude lists about who I am and what I have going for me since I started self help and counseling 8 or 10 years ago. I go for days suppressing these thoughts that I have written here and look for the more positive ones. And then the rage and hate comes back even stronger.

8 years of making lists about what's good about me and starting and ending each day with mind movies about the way I'm gonna be? It ain't working. I am not even close.

That's why I turned to hypnosis, eft and things alike these healing codes....to get to the subconscious part that is not reconciling with the conscious part.

It will work. Its just not instant. But I have had tons more relief than any other method. When the anger surfaces, if I can get away to do a code, I do get some relief. It's hope.

For this self/body hate issue, I haven't quite been able to come up with the right truth focus statement. There is usually one, when you find it, that mkae me feel a warm and tingly and relaxed....at peace.

But one of these times....whooosh....all gone.

And back to allowing money so I can finally move out and pay off my suv and take whatever class catches my fancy

Hey Annie,

Thanks for your take on Healing Codes. I still went ahead and tried out the healing codes despite the little voice in my heading telling me it was silly, so I was pleasently surprised to feel what you described after doing it for the first time. That energy surging through your body, the feeling of relaxation, realising later on that the issue I had done a code on no longer felt so painful.

I've been combining healing codes with some exercises from the book and the movie 'What the Bleep do we know,' and its really helped me further to get to the core of certain things and why I want things I want. I really like it because it combines actual science of changing your mind with energy healing. Maybe thats a book/movie you would like Annie. I find it really helpful to read the scientific view of law of attraction as that part of my brain can't dismiss it as being 'silly' or 'new agey' or however else it can be referred to. But I look forward to seeing where the healing codes takes me and takes you also.

Shannon

quote:

Originally posted by annievt:
I go for days suppressing these thoughts that I have written here and look for the more positive ones. And then the rage and hate comes back even stronger.

I've just been re-reading this thread and removing my knee-jerk reaction, which is to try to somehow "help you" have beliefs more like mine (because I honestly think mine are more enjoyable), but the interesting thing that struck me right away when I did that was how STRONG your beliefs are, how much they come back and back on this thread with new angles in response, and how basically some part of you is so VERY strong and so very determined to protect you in its own way, and on its own terms as well.

I'm truly grateful for that realisation with regards to beliefs of my own I find uncomfortable - they're usually doing a very good job guarding some part of me that feels tender and they will NOT just go away until I have something better to replace them with.

Sorry if this post doesn't make much sense, but I did want to ask if you've tried being truly grateful for all your beliefs, without judging them in any way, on the basis they are trying to keep you safe?

If you removed any sense of them as something to be judged, "fixed" or even "healed" could you appreciate how powerful that energy in you is, how great its ability to protect you (by "proving" itself, over and over again in so many encounters) is, and how absolutely full of integrity you are in that you hold true to these beliefs, even though they cost you in some ways and go against the grain of most consensus thought?

I might be burbling... it's just an idea to play with, boot it out of the ballpark without a second thought if it's old hat to you, or meaningless!

With true gratitude and appreciation,

quote:

Originally posted by Fountainbleu:
If you removed any sense of them as something to be judged, "fixed" or even "healed" could you appreciate how powerful that energy in you is, how great its ability to protect you (by "proving" itself, over and over again in so many encounters) is, and how absolutely full of integrity you are in that you hold true to these beliefs, even though they cost you in some ways and go against the grain of most consensus thought?

Fontainbleu,

I love this. I think it's wonderful that you noticed Annie's power to protect herself, her integrity in staying true to what she believes, and her vast worth partly because of (not in spite of) those very qualities. I love that you were willing to accept and love the qualities that many of us have been trying to "heal." Love everything because everything has value. Thank you!!!

Love and blessings,
Rachel

ok

hmmm....well the past few days have been overwhelm with no private time to do my codes. All the same beliefs have me raging once again. I do believe you are right that the rage is all I have between living and giving up. I needed those beliefs this weeekend when I was unable to live my life in a healthy beneficial way for me due to work and family presence.

quote:

Originally posted by annievt:
I do believe you are right that the rage is all I have between living and giving up.

I believe that you are capable of generating any emotional reaction that serves you best by being in line with your beliefs and choices, as a buffer between you and the outside world.

I believe that the nature of this emotional buffer can be changed according to, in this order: 1. your choices 2. your beliefs and 3. your perception of the nature of the outside influences (I put this last because a trained combatman, for example, chooses his reactions without allowing outside appearances like intimidation, etc, to affect that).

I believe that the emotions and beliefs you have at the moment create a reaction of rage (to use your description) and that this is a high-energy output protective kind of guard you have, and that because it serves you well and keeps you where you are (our ego tends to like to maintain status quo) it is something to be appreciated, because it is serving you very well. UP TO A POINT.

But I believe in alchemy - I believe you can make the choice to transmute this rage, when you're ready, and only then, from one form into another. And that in so doing, you honour the fact it was protecting you, and honour yourself for creating it, without having to "let down your guard" or amputate some part of your mental armoury that is doing you good service.

I don't know enough about the circumstances of your life to know what or how or when you'll do that, but I am absolutely darned CERTAIN that you have 1. the Power 2. the Skill and 3. the Potential to achieve wonders.

And you can take that to the bank!