I have a really major assignment for uni that's due on Thursday, and I was supposed to be working on it all friday saturday and sunday but I haven't been working on it at all because of this family situation that's come up (my brother's girlfriend had to get a restraining order put on him ) I can't stop thinking about this situation and it's taking the focus off my assignment. I want to get an extension but I'm not sure how to bring it up with my lecturer and I'm not even sure if this is a valid reason to be asking for an extension. Any suggestions?

Hi there:-) I am sure the situation is distressing as it's never comfortable thinking that a family member is mis-treating another person. However, there are always dynamics in relationships and there are always reasons for behaviour - even, sometimes, when they make no sense to other people. I also know it's very easy to be objective when the person is not emotionally involved. For what it's worth - here's some things for you to ponder:-)

You have spent this time wondering what to do about a situation over which you can have no control and now you probably feel worse because that is time you cannot get back and you haven't done your assignment nor have you sorted out your brother's problem.

How long will it take you to complete the assignment if you just get started? How will you feel if you 'fail' your course because you have not completed it? Who will you 'blame'? What significance does this assignment have in terms of your qualification? In your eyes, whose future is more important to you - your own or your brother's?

I wonder if you have heard about EFT? It's an amazing tool for taking care of emotional disturbances:-) You can access it here http://www.emofree.com/a/?2067 Note, though, that this is my affiliate link ... But you can get the ebook completely free. And you don't have to use the link - you can just go to www.emofree.com - I will only get a small commission if you decided to buy the DVDs and used my link:-)

I hope that some of this helps - even if it's just to give you a different perspective. What would your advice be to someone else? Thinking about what you might say to a friend or colleague might give you some insight into what action to take. But at the end of the day, only you can decide what's best for you. Good luck Marian

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How long will it take you to complete the assignment if you just get started? How will you feel if you 'fail' your course because you have not completed it? Who will you 'blame'? What significance does this assignment have in terms of your qualification? In your eyes, whose future is more important to you - your own or your brother's?

Well I have all the information and research I need to do the assignment it's just that I haven't started writing it yet. It's supposed to be 15-20 pages long - I really don't believe I can do that in 3 days. I think I need another week, minimum. I was already running behind on this particular assignment as some of the people I had to interview for it had tight schedules and were hard to get hold of. It would have been a rush-job even without this stuff comming up. I would feel down on myself if I failed my course for sure. I'd blame myself entirely. OK so I guess my science degree is not 'essential' for becomming a TV personality (Steve Irwin, anyone?)but it sure would be very useful in terms of giving me some credibility. I already find an academic environment quite difficult to cope with, I really struggle with deadlines. But yes, I certainly would really like to get my science degree.

I DO realize that I CANNOT be responsible for solving my brother's problems - only my own. It's just been a big shock for me as she is accusing him of some very, VERY serious things and I didn't see it comming even though I'm quite close to my brother. Also this IS my big brother that I've known all my life, it's not like it's just some thing you read about in a newspaper. It's very distressing and I don't know what to think or who to believe anymore.

I know lecturers are often quite lenient in terms of granting extensions, but I'd just feel ashamed asking. This assignment is worth 25% of one unit btw.

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Originally posted by AnnieW:

I DO realize that I CANNOT be responsible for solving my brother's problems - only my own.

What do you only realize that you can be?

Because if you DO realize that you CANNOT be responsible, your responsibility will die.

It is certain that the law has arms that are stronger than you. And it is certain that this woman is saying things about your brother. Why do you believe her? You see, if you, his own sister believes her, what will other people think?
If you know that she is a liar, then whatever she says should be unimportant to you. Unless you believe that listening to liars is important.

I know it's hard to ask and I've had problems in the past with asking. However, I think your lecturer would be willing to help in a severe personal situation like this, especially if your other work has been of a reasonable standard.

I had to ask for an aegrotat last year for a mid-term when I injured my foot. Believe it or not I slipped in the cat's "puddle" she made in our bathroom on the night before the test. What an embarrassing thing to have to explain to my lecturer!

If I hadn't have asked him I wouldn't have got an A grade for the course. And I may not have got the job interview I had this morning for a good job in a multi-national company that promotes SOGR type principles as part of its culture.