No worries Phil. I am safe. I haven't attracted any sort of physical violence since my thoughts towards him became negative. When I was innocent and happy and loving...heart wide open stuff....thats when I was attracting foul tempered violence. Once I learned to hate back....my (married) life got a lot better. I'm just looking for the icing on the cake here at sogr. I want it to be extraordinary...not the marriage. That is over and probably would be without our past just because I find monogamy dull and living with others a waste of my time.

I can't wait to have my own place permanently That thought totally excites me. So thats what I am daydreaming of today....not in the certain way... because I can't figure that one out. But in the way I have always done which takes me away to happiness.

Annie, Honey

I've been hesitant to give you specific advice because.... well, because I don't know you, because I'm pretty new here, and because no one else has stated the obvious, so I thought there might be a taboo...But look, if your husband hits you? You have to get out. Get away from there. As soon as possible. Now. Don't try to re-interpret the experience as somehow good. Don't try to think your way into feeling better. Just leave. Really. Non of this will work if you resist taking the one action that is staring you in the face.

I know it's scary. I know you think you can't survive without the security of being his wife. I know he'll be angry and try to prevent you from getting away in any way he can. Just go. Wherever you live there is some sort of shelter. If you have a friend or a relative that will take you in, even better. But you absolutely have to go right now.

You deserve all the good that you dream of and that includes being physically safe.
Love and blessings,
Rachel

PS to Phil: Thanks for breaking the ice. I should have picked up on this sooner, but I'm glad YOU did. As for "this being a thing of the past." It takes an extraordinary event to get an abusive person to stop. Sometimes they stop temporarily, but they nearly always start again eventually. She doesn't deserve the abuse, but she is allowing it by sticking around. We have to let her know that she has a choice, even though it doesn't seem like she does. We can't protect her physically, but we can try to lend her the strength to protect herself.
RLH

Ok, Annie,
I just read your reply to Phil. I think it's great that you found the strength to hate him (your husband, not Phil.) That sounds crazy, but anger is a much stronger emotion than fear, so that's good. Feeling strong and self assured is a wonderful place to be, especially if you haven't always felt that way.

Still, wouldn't it be even better if you didn't need that anger? Why not just leave and follow your dream? What's stopping you?

Or let me ask it this way: If an opportunity to get some of or all of what you want presented itself today, would you be prepared to take it? Wattles says to "take all the action you can every day." I love the story about the guy who started packing to move into a new home even though he hadn't found a way to afford it, yet. That's part of what taking action is. It's being really prepared, like we actually believe it's going to happen.

Jesus said to "have faith as a grain of mustard seed." I like that because it takes the pressure off. You don't have to believe at every conceivable level. A tiny bit, or even a big bit of uncertainty isn't going to ruin everything. If things don't seem to be working out it's not because you don't have enough faith. All you have to do is to imagine your ideal life in as much detail as possible and then act as though it is coming true.

The action part is powerful because it really changes your thinking. What you want is just waiting for you to be ready for it. Get ready, and it will be waiting for you.

Reading over this, and my last few posts, I wonder if I'm being a little too pedagogic. I sound a little arrogant. But a large part of my job is to help people be more effective in using their skills and in relating to other people. I'm usually pretty good at it.

Anyway I hope some of this helps. If not, I'm sure you'll mention it, and we'll come up with something else.

Again,Love and blessings
Rachel

quote:

At 6am this morning when I woke up after a dream about not having enough money and wasn't able to get back to sleep, I vented my frustrations again. (tapping at the same time) And while maybe getting frustrated and venting my fears and insecurities may not be the best idea, I gotta admit, tapping on it at the same time as I yelled at the universe, did make me feel better and a lot more relaxed!

I think Shannon got it just about right! Anything constructive to let out those burning emotions and doesn't get anyone(including yourself) physically hurt( or emotional) is getting yourself unstuck and that lets in the good. Releasing all these negativity is good, staying there isn't.That's why I love to go to nature parks....I get positive energy while releasing the negative ones

Annie,

I'll add to what Rachel said. "Yes, get out NOW!" is a great place to start. I went through 23 years as caretaker for a Schizophrenic wife - I was determined to stay true to my vows right up until the night she attacked me. "Until death do us part", almost became a reality.

My current wife escaped not one, but TWO abusive relationships; a 13 year marriage, and a four-year on again, off again nightmare. For a while, my wife was convinced that she was a 'jerk magnet'. I'm doing my best to prove otherwise.

In both our cases, we were determined to 'make our relationships work'. Well, in a way, they WERE working. Situations escalated to the point where our safety and well-being was threatened before we could see the obvious. Something better was waiting, but first we had to let go (translate: GET OUT) of our old relationships first.

I'm not going to lie to you. Going through the experience was hell. Only from where Maggie and I stand now can we say it was totally worth it.

You CAN do it. It DOES get better, if you allow it!

All the best from Toronto,
Russ

quote:

Originally posted by Phil:

Eventually we’d run out of oil, but we would never have gotten any forewarning about it. Can you imagine the scenario? We never got any warning about it, and so we naively kept going on pumping gas and buying gas guzzling cars, until one day, without any warning,… no more gas. Pumps dry. Simply,… no more gas,… without any real warning (at least, none that anyone really paid attention to, because it was not obvious).

Phil, I can hardly believe those things came out of your hands.

"Nature is an inexhaustible storehouse of riches; the supply will never run short. Original substance is alive with creative energy, and is constantly producing more forms. When the supply of building material is exhausted, more will be produced. When the soil is exhausted so that food stuffs and materials for clothing will no longer grow upon it, it will be renewed or more soil will be made. When all the gold and silver has been dug from the earth, if humanity is still in such a stage of social development that it needs gold and silver, more will produced from the formless. The formless stuff responds to the needs of
mankind; it will not let the world be without any good thing."

Guys this IS history. I am ok. My point was exactly what Rachel said. Sometimes we can't eek good out of a bad situation as Phil said we could. Sometimes its ok to call something bad and to take action.

I took some action years ago....not the happy happy joy stuff that was recommended to me by one counselor. That didn't work. And not the reactive get out right now stuff I got from another counselor. Right now my two youngest are in a very happy situation....something their older brothers didn't always get. I've only got a few years left to stay in this area and then I can move without guilt. Until then I do visualise a perfect alternative living solution here while having the ability to travel to that apartment in Frisco and a lovely place to sleep and study.

We also have some pretty big debt from a business venture. We can hardly make our bills living together. there will be no divorce settlement. He will get the house, but I will get my half of the debt. I have been turned down repeatedly for apartments based on my income and debt ratio. I do rent temporarily paid up front or live in the van occassionally when I need to feel free and I can find something small and cheap in our rural area. There isn't much in the way of rentals out here in the boonies.

Thanks for your concern.

quote:

Originally posted by annievt:
Right now my two youngest are in a very happy situation....something their older brothers didn't always get. I've only got a few years left to stay in this area and then I can move without guilt.

There's an old saying "Mama not happy, nooooobody happy."

Are you sure your kids are happy? I've been a child in that situation. In my life, he finally died when I was 18 and my mother now regrets not leaving him. She thought she was sacrificing her happiness for ours, but it turned out she was sacrificing our happiness, too -- and for nothing. Debts or no, we all would have been much happier without him.

One more word about the financial situation. You know the Science of Getting Rich. If you believed it, you wouldn't be concerned about not having enough money. Just sayin'....

You deserve all that you want. Right now.
Love,
Rachel

quote:

Just sayin'....

Nope I don't believe yet...I haven't had anything but some pretty small coincidences and those happen from time to time anyway.

But A-H does mention not fleeing a situation until you can raise your vibration where you are at. Probably just attract more of the same until you get things sorted. Though I am trying to relax into opportunity.

And which is why I said I needed a little break from this stuff. It is getting to be more of another chore...too tiring. LOL...and here I am. Its just that I feel closer to something than I have in a million years....hope is driving me nuts.

But what an opportunity! I just figured out I did not have enough money to cover checks I sent (huge error), just had my hours cut at work due to payroll budget and cancelled this afternoon's chiropracter appointment because I don't even have $35. So no hows! Just faith.

C'mon guys this is great stuff. These are the times that opportunity knocks.

OMgosh. I may have to my rock climbing trip


Humf!

quote:

Originally posted by annievt:
OMgosh. I may have to my rock climbing trip


Humf!

What if you don't? Channeling Phil here (and probably not very well), how would it feel if you knew no matter what that your rock climbing trip was assured? Feel that instead. This is a real opportunity. Be grateful no matter what. I know it can seem a challenge.

LOL...I couldn't even type the whole sentence correctly. Obviously, you read my intent and that cancellation is not an option. Or I could be grateful I didn't make it this time and be happy I could go another time....something better?

I gotta say that just assuming everything is going to be fine and then some is really helping. Its the kind of thing I usually wake up at night worrying about and I feel fine. Nice.

quote:

Once I learned to hate back....my (married) life got a lot better.

I'll bet it was that when you got ANGRY, your life got better. That makes perfect sense because anger is higher on the emotional scale than victimhood, so it feels better and means your thoughts are focusing in a more positive way.

But anger is still a lot further DOWN the scale from the things that feel really good to us -- like love, peace, joy, and so on. So it's not a place to put down roots and just camp out forever. It's just a passage, not a destination.

When we stay there, we begin to attract things of that same essence, quality, vibration. But when we keep moving up and let go of our old stories, everything continues to get better and better.

You are right of course. Sorry...I have been down recently...just tired and I hurt physically. I am going to ask Mr. T if I can sleep in the bed a few nights to give my back a break.

Then I'll work on moving past anger. Or at least bouncing back between hope and anger as I have been doing recently.

Thank you.

LOl...Though revenge is darn fun too. I may have to stop there for a bit.