Hello all,

I would like to ask if anyone is in a similar situation - when I am completely immersed in gratitude to the Universe - I suddenly seem to be surrounded by people who complain about everything. It is up to me to point out the wonderful things in their life. Is it because I was one of them, and now I have changed? Or is it something else?

Well, first, why do you think it is up to you to point out anything at all to them?

Next, these people "complain about everything." Is that true?

Finally, if I notice something I don't particularly like and I not only give it my attention but tell others about it, is that ... yikes! ... complaining? And what might I expect to happen (to attract, create) if I continue to dwell on it and how I think it's wrong and don't like it?

This sort of thing is always a fabulous opportunity if we're willing to let it be.

(BTW, there are a LOT of very useful discussions in these forums about how to deal with other people's negativity. Explore!)

Shashi,

You’re in the process of changing, but you have not yet entirely changed. Are you judging their behavior?

You may believe their behavior bothers you, but it is YOUR thoughts and beliefs that are causing yourself to feel bothered.

Other people don’t MAKE you feel one way or another. You are the causer of your feelings.

“We create our own heaven or hell. Your thoughts can imprison you or set you free. Complications, conditions or people do not upset you, but the way you think about them causes your upset. Freedom is not possible until we discipline and retrain our minds.” - p. 124 of Choose To Live Peacefully by Susan Smith Jones, Ph.D.

“If you say, “I just can’t help the way I feel,” you will only make yourself a victim of your misery ~ and you’ll be fooling yourself, because you can change the way you feel.
If you want to feel better, you must realize that your thoughts and attitudes--not external events--create your feelings. You can learn to change the way your think, feel, and behave in the here-and-now.” - from The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns

“If you let the world affect how you feel, what you are saying is, "I do not make my own decisions, I just have a Pavlovian response to anything that may twang my emotions."” Stuart Wilde in ‘Life Was Never Meant To Be A Struggle’

“When you feel frustrated or upset by a person or a situation, remember that you are not reacting to the person or the situation, but to your feelings [beliefs] about the person or the situation.” - from The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra

“I can't emphasize this strongly enough... If you haven't been able to feel how you want to feel,... then you are being victimized by your own disempowering thoughts, beliefs and attitudes.” - Mike Brescia, President, Think Right Now International

“Suffering is always optional.” From ‘Restore Your Magnificence’ by Dr. Joe Rubino

“If things go wrong in my world, something is wrong in me. Therefore, if I am sensible, I shall put myself right first.” Carl Jung

“Other people can neither make us miserable nor make us happy.” - p.3 of Choice Theory by William Glasser, M.D.

“When anything external distresses us, it is not the event which causes us pain; rather, it is our response to it, and this we have the power to revoke at every given moment." - Epictetus

Do you believe YOU are responsible for however you feel? Or, do you believe others are?

One belief empowers you. The other disempowers you.

Phil

quote:

You’re in the process of changing, but you have not yet entirely changed.

I wonder what "entirely changed" would even be like. Probably not even possible in this physical lifetime because we're ALWAYS evolving and changing -- perfect but incomplete, always a "work in progress."

quote:

perfect but incomplete, always a "work in progress."

I call that super but getting better!

Last week as I turned 69 I took some time to reflect and realized that I was super, was better than the year before and knew that in a year from now I will be better than Super! Is that Super Duper?

quote:

Last week as I turned 69 I took some time to reflect and realized that I was super, was better than the year before and knew that in a year from now I will be better than Super! Is that Super Duper?

You had a birthday, Tom? Happy, happy! (Better late than never, right?)

Apologies for the "thread drift," but I couldn't let that joyous natal anniversary go unremarked-upon.

(And yes, you ARE super-duper!)

Thank you Rebecca!

Hello Shashi,

I would say that possibly as a new practitioner of SOGR (if you are one) that you have now become more aware of the complaining that's going on and so you notice it.

It's not up to you to point these things out to others, as you cannot and should not try to use SOGR to change other people.

Also, as others said here before you should not attempt to judge others for their actions.

Happy birthday super duper Tom!
And Shashi, I am very grateful that I have not been suddenly surrounded by people complaining about everything!! If I were to be surrounded suddenly, by a group of people complaining about everything(!).....then I'd be even more grateful for my choice to be grateful. Look at the alternative... No matter what anyone else chooses to do or be, I can choose my own path, and point out all the wonderful things in my life to myself.
Bea

quote:

Last week as I turned 69 I took some time to reflect and realized that I was super, was better than the year before and knew that in a year from now I will be better than Super! Is that Super Duper?

Happy belated birthday super duper tom! It's amazing what you can do with a super duper mindset!

Happy Birthday Tom Strong a last name that fit you perfectly.

About the thread, I am working in a Hotel big Hotel after being self employed for a long long time. All I hear is complains and how much they hate where they work. And I feel soooo good and thankful for having that job that they are speaking chinese to me. (if you are chinese they'll be speaking english to you) lol
And if I ever say something positive about the place they blame it in that I am new.
I have the choice of being happy or not I take happy. They will not change me. I change the subject and we keep talking. Best subject changing is talking about their kids, hobbies, etc.

Lots of love

Luz Maria

Thanks to everyone for the wonderful comments and insights! I thank the forum for helping us when we do find something we do not understand.

Love to all!

In this contest of complaints,it will be beneficial to know that we have a responsibility of choice.Until we learn to make CHOICES of what we think/feel,it will be easy for others to influence our thinking/fellings and hence the outward appearances of complainants around us.Afterall like always attraccts likes.

Many blessings.

Karin -- Nirakia here on the forum -- just posted the best thing I've ever listened to on the subject of other people's negativity.

Go check it out!

Click here to go there.

Yes, it's a wonderful audio. It gives me a new perspective to view those people around me that are being negative.

I found the audio funny for different reasons. The first being it was funny to listen as the person 'under fire' was having her ideas changed to take in a different perspective. That of her friend "Ruth" (I think that was the name of her friend). This was Byron Katie's brilliant turn around.

I also found it funny, because there was a time when the person 'under fire' could have turned it around. At one point Byron Katie told the person 'under fire' that SHE was being negative about Ruth. That would have been a perfect time for the woman to ask, "Is that true?".

The last is not really funny, but kind of an 'aha' moment that is both happy and sad. You see, the question "Is that true?" is a part of Byron Katie's methodology and really is invalid when used out of context. Because, the real question that's being asked and answered by the methodology is "Is that the only truth?", because yes - Ruth is being negative about a part of her life (or as we know it focusing on the negative), but it is also true that she's confiding in her friend how she feels. And, just as Byron Katie is when she tells the person 'under fire' that SHE is being negative about Ruth.

So, then one might ask, why does Byron Katie use a question that is invalid when used without the rest of the methodology? It is because that question starts the person wondering "Is that true?". Questioning their own beliefs. And, that is the perfect time for the questioner to step in and supply a possible opposing viewpoint. But, that question by itself is not a valid tool without the rest of the methodology and explanation. Because, if you use the "Is that true?" without the rest of the methodology, you simply and unkindly leave them in a state of confusion. "Is that true?" Yes and No!

Verne, if you get a little practice in doing the work -- with a certified facilitator would be best (and that's even available free) -- then you'd see how and why you do NOT question your turnarounds. (That's called "spinning" and the point of the turnaround is to see for ourselves how whatever it is we think someone else is doing, WE do ourselves.)

One thing doing the work definitely does not do is leave you in a state of confusion. As Katie says, "A confused mind is insane." That's because a confused mind is simply one that's believing its own thoughts, its own stories.

Check out her website. You can find a facilitator or go to a workshop (there are free events, too) or get audios or videos that show the work being done in its entirety.

I believe this audio was just part of a larger session where participants have been doing the work on a lot of issues so they're all familiar with the complete process. When you come in from outside without that process it may seem like something's being left out, but there's still enough there to get the gist of it, which, of course, is to INQUIRE into your own thinking and see just how tricky it is and how we habitually leap to conclusions and then stick to those stories, whether they're true or not and even though they rob us of peace.