Mr. W says..."if a doubt comes, cast it aside." and this simple statement has really been helping me lately.

I've finally saved enough to move out of my car & into a studio apt on 2/13, and strangely enough, instead of staying in gratitude for things getting better, my thoughts keep going to..."if I don't get focused on a bigger cmi, I'll be stuck living in a studio....and things along that line.

But, thankfully, I've read SOGR enough times now to remember it tells me that NOW is all I have & I need to be grateful for the good around me NOW.

The truth for me right NOW is that trying to focus on my larger, original cmi is a struggle, it's me trying to make myself enthusiastic about something I don't have the faith/purpose in that SOGR says I must have to manifest my cmi.

So when those doubts about ever being able to ask for/believe in something larger for my life come, Mr. W's ...when a doubt comes ....pops in automatically, and I think about his discussion on how Now is all we have, and it brings me back to thankfullness that my homeless days are coming to an end.

I have to say that I've learned a lot from the people i met that had lost million dollar homes & were having to deal with starting over from nothing again. I've met some amazing people that I wouldn't have otherwise met had I not experienced homelessness. Blessings in disguise?

So I'm learning that I can't force myself to think/feel a certain way, I can only go with the flow and keep ACTING in the certain way Mr. W talks about, and that it's ok to not have a big cmi, that I'm always right where I should be!

I'm looking forward to being able to get back on the Forum every day again soon. I've missed not having daily access to a computer/internet.

Megan

Oh Megan, how wonderful that you are soon to have a place to call home again and moving forward and keeping such a positive attitude through it all. Yes, you are right where you are supposed to be at this moment...we all are.

Thanks for being an inspiration!

LauraK

Hi Megan,

I’m also glad that you’re getting a place that is more to your liking. But I am even gladder that you seemed to have grown in understanding as you’ve gone through this difficulty.

I suppose I could just be mistaken, but as I read what you wrote, and how you wrote it, it seemed to me there is some greater wisdom and calm flowing from you now that wasn’t there before. It seems you’re now more willing to trust what ‘feels right’. I felt like I was reading words from a new and more empowered you. And, I think that’s wonderful.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Phil

quote:

So I'm learning that I can't force myself to think/feel a certain way, I can only go with the flow and keep ACTING in the certain way Mr. W talks about, and that it's ok to not have a big cmi, that I'm always right where I should be!

Hi Megan. I think a studio is grand. I was thinking about the time I lived in my van for a bit because I was having one of my hissy fits with hubby. It was one of the greatest summers of my life. I know I can't compare it to a real homeless experience, because I know I always had a place to go if I chose. However, I often wonder if I could get to that place of faith, that there is always a place to go, that I couldn't do it without hubby's house as a safty net.

I am confused by your quote though. I thought feelings took precedent over action. I feel in appearance, I act in a certain way and have done so all my life. I feel it is the resentment I learned to harbor along the way that is not in alignment with creating a better life.

For instance, I have always hated snow, but for years, made the best of, even going out of my way to get the kids outside and making sure everyone had a nice time, while inside I was miserable. This last snowstorm, I dutifully went out and did my part and did my best to get to work...I absolutely worked efficiently and well, and even cheerfully...no sense in making everyone else miserable. But my mind was full of complaints. I am so aware of my complaints now, that I tried desperately to change my thoughts, think happy things, cmi things, grateful things, but my mind could find nothing.

I am terrifed of the disaster my negative thougts will bring. They always do.

But my actions were very good and they will not be rewarded. They never have.

Just a different experience and a different example of how we all perceive this stuff in relation to our own sucesses and failures.

Since you are in southern Ca and I am in boots and 21 inches of snow....you have my total and complete envy.

Best wishes.

Annie

Hi Megan,

How exciting about your new apartment! I'm happy for you.

You obviously understand what SOGR states often and that is that concentrated thought require determination and effort (most people do not make ANY effort at controlling their thoughts). Given that, it's only natural that your enthusiasm will ebb and flow as you live day to day.

Behavioral scientists such as Maslow would say that, as you are at the base of the hierarchical pyramid of needs, you wouldn't strive for anything greater until those needs are met. The fact that you have thoughts of greater self-actualization sets you far apart from most people and speaks volumes about you.

Enjoy your new place and congratulations on such an accomplishment.

Sending you love and Roses on your Windshield,

Paul

quote:

my actions were very good and they will not be rewarded. They never have.

Are you talking about the work you do? Are you saying you do very good work but you NEVER get rewarded? Are you saying you don't get pay, or praise, or any benefit from actions you take that are very good?

Sounds fishy to me.

Phil

Phil...we've been there, but here it goes...blah!

I was a stay at home mom and doormat for hubby, inlaws and most of the neighborhood for 20 years. No one ever offered my anything for all the favors they asked....and they asked plenty....big stuff....hard stuff with four kids, baby on the hip.

Thats just the way it was.

Even now when I go to work, I come home to an angry hubby because after all these years he has to pitch in a bit about the house and yard.

And I just lost over half of the income I made by pushing us over the limits for our usual tax deductions. Combined with getting taxed at hubby's rate, I am down to about 4.50 an hour which doesn't feel rewarding. Neither does his attitude to my working. He isn't too happy that I don't make enough, or too much...there is no way to tell which one.

But the job isn't doing us too much good. It adds stress and pressure and hasn't done my back or shoulder any good. I stopped going to the chiropractor because it eats up my wages, so I am living in constant pain, which again, does not feel rewarding.As a matter of fact, I first hurt my back doing a favor....and when I was done, the woman whined because she was a poor helpless widow and no one would help her.


But hey we've been through this.

The important part is that I now net 3.50 an hour, and an occassional compliment for my efforts. That is definitely an increase

Now lets multiply it by a really big number, and maybe I can make up for lost time and enjoy a few years of reaping rewards for me.

quote:

Are you saying you don't get pay, or praise, or any benefit from actions you take that are very good?

I also have to say...while I do occassionally feel the need for praise, I do not find it a healthy need. I certainly do not find it reward enough to say...climb out of bed in the morning.

It doesn't sound like you're very grateful for the $3.50 an hour or the occasional complaint you get. I know it may seem pointless and completely worthless to be grateful when it seems like so little but like attracts like.

Sounds like a little forgiveness is in order Annie if you want to move forward onto bigger numbers. You know what you don't want so don't tell that story anymore. Its just holding you back.

Megan, fantastic story!! So pleased to hear of your success. You have your own studio apartment to live in! Thats so exciting!!!! Think of how nice its going to be having your own space!

I live in a tiny two bedroom apartment which orignally my flatmate and I both hated. She still hates it and comes up with all sorts of reasons as to why this apartment/city/job is holding her back from the life she wants.
Its funny because whenever someone comes to visit our apartment they ALWAYS comment on how nice our place is! Now I absolutely love it here and don't want to leave!

Enjoy your new apartment, get in there and roll around on the floor or something when you first move in!

Shannon

Yes, thank you Shannon...that is exactly it.

Wow Megan, how inspiring to read your story and the state you are in. I am so happy for you that you can move out of your car. It's hard to even imagine living in my car. I feel very privileged now thinking of the flat I have rented for over 10 years, which has many advantages and the landlord keeps the rent reasonable. You have helped me appreciate more what I have already. thank you. Pauline

Congratulations Megan. For some people I think just thinking about that extra rug, is the next step. If there are emotional sub conscious excuses for why we cannot attain our BIG CMI, then it can never happen until we address those excuses. But, if you start with a smaller CMI, your sub conscious can allow you to accomplish that, giving you more confidence and the ability to push back against the negative chorus of yes buts, and making them quieter and quieter until your self conscious starts shouting, you can be, do, have anything!

So find something small that you really want and get a strong CMI about that. Then choose something a little bigger, and so on.